2019-04-04 On Life and Fate and Control

It’s been another busy week but I’m finally on the downhill slide.. or should I say I’m still climbing since this week has been all about building up to a big weekend. On Saturday I’ll be hopping on a plane to jet across the Atlantic. That’s a big deal. I haven’t been over the “big pond” since 2010. The flying freaks me out quite a bit but it’s a necessary evil to get to experience all the things that this life and planet have to offer.

I know air travel is safe, but there’s always chance or fate or the universe that can have some alternative plan for how things are going to go. It’s morbid to think about but one of these 4 flights could be the end for Miss SugarCookie. As a person who likes to travel I’ve often thought about that “what if”.

Sometimes I get on that plane and think, “well, I’ve had a good run.” I’m at peace with life and how I’ve spent it. Other times I think “I’m not done here yet” and ask for things to unfold uneventfully so I can keep on keeping on. It just depends on the state of my mind at the time I guess.

How will I feel on Saturday? Well chances are that since my life is really great right now, I’ll be more inclined to want to keep the party going. Then I think about that alanis morissette song, “Ironic”, where she sings about things happening that just make you look out at the world knowing that the universe always throws these curve balls and just when you finally think you have it all under control, something changes.

It’s like my sisters destination wedding to Mexico where a beautiful beach ceremony was waiting. It was warm and sunny for 7 straight days and the afternoon of the wedding, a storm rolled in and we were all scrambling in our “perfect hair and dresses” to get undercover and the whole thing was moved to an inside location. It poured for 4 solid hours and just when we were all sitting down at the reception, the sun came out again. Yeah… “isn’t it ironic.”

Still, the next few years of my life are full of things I don’t want to miss. My daughter will be graduating and heading out of the nest and off to start her own life. My son will follow two years after that. I’ll be getting married next year (probably). I’ll be graduating from my MFA program.

In the shorter term, I’ve now got lots of plans for great experiences this year. Road trips across Nebraska, a visit to NYC, concerts, and many many afternoons spent doing things I live for. I look forward to planning and planting our garden at the new house. I’ve got plans to write, revise, and submit more poetry. I’m also excited to spend some more QT reading.

And In the very short term, We have baby birds that just hatched about 10 days ago and by the time we return they will have left the safety of the nest and attempted flight and independence. It’s bad timing for that because being gone we will not be here to intervene if something goes awry. But that’s just a microcosm of life. We have the illusion of control but in reality anything can happen to remind us that we don’t have as much as we think.

Hopefully the next two weeks will be amazing and I’ll be able to capture and share the highlights (stay tuned for that). That’s what I’ve got. Hope. I can’t let my fears get in the way of living my best life. If I did, I might never leave my house. That would be a real tragedy. In that sense, I guess I do have some control over my fate. It’s being ok with rolling the dice and taking chances. “No Risk, No Reward”.

Time now to keep climbing toward that adventure…. one SQL and meeting agenda and SSIS update at a time.

Earning It,

~Miss SugarCookie

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