I know what I’m gonna want to know 5 years from now when I look back on this day. That it was 0 degrees when I woke up and I didn’t want to leave my house and oh, by the way, I’m getting married in 11 days and trying really hard not to freak out.

It’s gonna be fine, ya’ll. It’s all gonna he just peachy. But really I’m having a hard time with my brain. The lack of focus is serious and I’m sort of like that chicken with its head cut off or trying to cross the road and not knowing why or something else like that which has everything to do with being a chicken and making excuses for my behavior.

Yesterday I had a date with my mom and sister for lunch for my sisters birthday (which is today) and I completely spaced it. That’s so not like me. I’m typically a really reliable human being. But there I was, standing in my kitchen at 11:42am trying to decide what to eat for lunch. Then I get a text from her “you coming?”. Total face palm.

I felt like such an asshole but what can I say. There’s no excuse really. I’m not actually a chicken so there’s no excuse.

In related news, I’m supposed to go to a comedy show with her Saturday courtesy of her fiancé and when I told her I’d take her out to dinner before the show she says, “what show?”. Double face palm. Was that supposed to be a surprise and nobody told me?! Whelp, that one is not really on me I think.

Anyway, I’m wandering around like I’m from Iowa and tried this morning to put together a to-do list. Today that involves one last meetup with the gal from the event space to finalize preparations and check the AV setup and make sure that all works smooth with what we have.

As I type this I’m taking video of the cats in the kitchen to see how much video I can get on the memory card I have. We’re doing our own since it costs like $$$ to hire a human being to push a button. I’m so cheap.

It does bear repeating though that anything and everything with the “W” word attached costs like a gazillion dollars more than it should. Literally hundreds to thousands of $$& to get someone to take pictures for a couple of hours. I called this morning to see how much the cleaners near our house charges to steam the dress (it’s kinda wrinkled) and she said $85. Wut??!!

That’s 85 bucks to produce some steam near the skirt and get the wrinkles out. I bet I can do it for free. I just don’t want to ruin the material but how hard can it be? As long as the hot iron does not get pressed down on the dress. That’s the kind of thing I’m wandering around thinking about.

Oh, and I missed Jazzercise this morning because I was pressed for time to get some progress on a work project before my 10am meeting but now that’s being moved to Thursday. But it’s ok I missed Jazzercise cuz it’s still single digits outside. Brrrrrr. I do have to go to Nuri at 11 but now I’ll have time to take a shower and get dressed like a proper human.

What else? Oh yeah, because it’s my sisters birthday today, that means it’s also my exes birthday. That would be Matt not Brian. I was thinking about him last night and a little melancholy. I hope he’s well. He probably does not know I’m about to get married. I mean, he knows I’m engaged but there’s really no reason he would have insight into when. We have a few mutual friends but nobody that’s coming to the wedding.

I always thought we would get married someday, but that life never happened. It’s strange to be thinking about that with about a week and a half before I marry someone else. It’s strange to know you still have love for someone like that. I wonder if I’ll ever really be over it? And is that ok if I’m not? Does it take anything away from Jim or our life together? I don’t think so.

I think the depths of the human heart are vast and the capacity for love is great. I don’t have to let go of anyone I’ve ever loved. I can just hold it all in a special place inside and know that it’s just a part of who I am.

I wonder if I should wish him happy birthday? There’s no harm in that right? I dunno.

***

I’ve got to go check the video camera and move my 10am meeting to Thursday. Perhaps there will be more clucking from this chick later. (Probably not).

Peace and Love,

~Miss SugarCookie