Yesterday I felt something I’ve not felt in a while, a little feeling that I had not even realized was missing. It’s something akin to freedom. Some notion not based in logic or reason, but emanating from my insides and manifesting in my socked feet sliding across the kitchen floor.
I asked Alexa to play Sweet 98 5, which is our local pop radio station. Out pours Britney Spears singing “ooops I did it again” and Hozier belting out “take me to church”. I danced alone in my kitchen to my good friend Tay-Tay singing “if I was a man”. I nodded in agreement and said “so true!” with no one there to hear it.
And then Green Day came on singing “I think we’re alone now”. And my jaw just dropped. So much awesome! Not only was I immediately transported back in time to when the Tiffany version was popular, but Green Day!! Wow! Oh radio, how I’ve missed you so. Oh dancing alone in the kitchen where have you been?
When they talk about the pursuit of happiness why don’t they mention this? Is it implied? Is it written in the bylaws between the lines? How can one forget that this exists for so long?
I carried that feeling with me into the afternoon and evening and when Jim came home from work I was still being silly and cracking jokes. He asked me if I’d had an edible or an adult beverage. “Nope”, I said. Just feeling great.
You know. I love music and spontaneous dancing but somehow when I moved into this house I’ve been shy about of it. Could it be the cameras that are always on? Perhaps that’s a factor.
But the bigger factor is probably stress and pressure from responsibility. I thought about this yesterday. It’s all moved so fast and I don’t like things that go to fast. My preferred pace is slowish. Each season for the past 2 years has brought big changes and the need to adjust…
March of 2018 Jim and I met.
August 26, 2018 we got engaged.
October I start working full time again.
January 25, the kids and I moved into his house.
By the end of May I ended my work contract and took up “household management” full time.
July I pick back up with school again With 19 credit hours.
December we are deep in wedding planning.
February 2, 2030 we get married and shortly thereafter have what we did not know would be the last vacation we would get for a while.
March Corona becomes a household name and my work ramps up again. They cancel school for the rest of the year and we have to adjust daily to new rules and horrific news coming in the speakers from the outside.
April we’re on serious lockdown and the shape of the world has been altered. My thesis is due and while everything comes to a screeching halt on the outside, there’s so much going on inside I can’t sleep right at night. No end in sight yet.
This is the life of the new modern man. I just need to remind myself of the beauty in the world and the joy in small moments. Like dancing in the kitchen and poetry and elevating those for the sake of my sanity and happiness.
Yesterday I got it right, finally. But the question is, can I pull off a repeat performance? As always, time will tell.
That’s it for today folks. Lots to do and I’m in the mood to kick ass.
With Love from my corner of the Universe to yours,