2020-05-08 Navigation

Navigation is easy, when you have a map. I find that in matters of the human heart, we rarely have a map. We only know where we have been and can say with confidence, “I know that territory well” (for better or worse) but when can we ever say we know where we are going? The answer, my friends, is rarely.

It’s now almost 11PM on a Friday and I’m three quarters drunk and 7/8s the way to sleepy town. Sitting on my couch trying to stay awake long enough to greet my husband and his best friend as then emerge from their outside-guy-chat. Some much needed bro time after not getting to “hang out” for a little while.

The good news for me is that I got to have a friend over too. We had a lovely catch up session, albeit not long enough for me. I probably could have chatted for hours and hours but felt leery of running my mouth too much while drinking. The last thing I want is to become annoying or make someone not want to come back again. Always overthinking things as usual.. Ha!

Where was I? Oh yeah, matters of the human heart. Where was I going with that? The answer, my friends, is I don’t know. That was my point I guess. I don’t know. We don’t know. We don’t ever seem to know until we get there, wherever there is. Or get far past it, whatever it was.

Did I mention I’ve been drinking? And that I’m tired? Please excuse the fuzzy nonsense. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, in writing, is that if you are not specific enough. If the writing is too generic or nebulous, it’s not interesting to the reader. Probably if anyone who might have stumbled across this post and started reading has stopped already and maybe THAT is exactly what I wanted to have happen because if nobody is reading, and I think that nobody is reading, then I can let the truths at the heart of me guide my writing instead of worrying too much about perceptions.

Like it or not, part of human nature is to worry about other people’s perceptions of us and though as we age, it seems to matter less and less, it’s still always there.

As such, I’m acutely aware that Everything I write shapes that perception and though I’d like to say I don’t give a fuck, I do.

It’s one of the things I have been trying to work on. That worry and my writing. That worry in my conversations, especially with new-ish friends. I guess I just need to let my freak flags fly and if that is off-putting then it is what it is. I don’t know where this is going. See, I’m still being nebulous. 🙄 I blame the Frixinet.

I want to be more specific, but my brain is not able to pull in specifics at this point. It knows where it wants to go, which is to sleepy town and I guess that’s my cue.

Thanks for the flowers and the friendship!

Gnight friends.
Love you all,
~Miss SugarCookie .

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