2020-08-14 No Good Way to End – Part 1

Yesterday I had almost 100% focus on moving my daughter into her dorm room. This morning, I am waking up without her in the house. I’m wondering if there are options for food open already on campus. Surely there are. I know that her dad and his fiancé are going to visit today and her plan is to have them take her shopping for this and that which we may have overlooked. Hopefully that includes food.

Yesterday I stayed mostly disconnected from work and it was a good test. I had a few questions folks asked over Slack which I was able to answer but ignored most of the “drama.” Drama being the gotta-have-this-right-now-or-all-is-lost attitude. It was nice to have a day off. I mean a real day off where I’m not expected to do anything. Funny how somehow all the expectations have gone up because of the pandemic.

A person is home, because what else is there to do. There is wifi. They are online. So they may as well be plugged into work and working ALL THE DAMN TIME.

It’s bad for a person like me who has the tendency to be a workaholic anyway. It’s hard to unplug. I find myself checking emails and slack right up to the minute I’m going to bed. And when everyone else on the team is online too, that does not help (plus most of them are on the west coast and working later also).

Anyway, yesterday I set myself to away on slack and did not tune in or chime in on any goings-on. By the end of the day a ton of messages had piled up and as I quickly scrolled through the mess, I found myself shrugging. I don’t think it will be that tough to disengage from the project or team and I really don’t think I will miss it.

Jim and I decided I would put my notice in Monday. Well, that was his idea anyway and I’m just going with it. Unless there is a good opening today. I’m not super ready for it in terms of what I am going to say though. The last time I had to quit a gig I wrote everything I wanted to say out. Not a formal letter, but a kind of monologue if you will. That was tricky because I wanted to quit my project but not necessarily quit the company. Who does that?

This time around, I’m OK if calling it quits means I am done/done. That’s the goal. There is a small part of me that thinks that if I allow them to keep me on the payroll and don’t truly “leave” then there will come a day when they reach back out to ask if I can step in and help again. I have to remember that.

That is how it starts. That is how it started with this project. It was the casual ask, “Help out as much as you want to.” And before I know it – BAM! I’m all in and can’t help but feel responsible and working all the time. Whatever.

I wrote that little bit on Friday morning and then the day truly got away from me and now it’s Saturday afternoon and I am back from my second trip to Lincoln this week (the first of many I am sure). I’m just feeling tired and uninspired.

What’s a girl to do? 🤔

Stuck Thinking,
~Miss SugarCookie


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