This Girl!! (I think that emoji might be an Ottr, but it’ll have to do).
One year ago today I got married. It’s quite hard to believe. In some ways it feels like it never happened, in other ways it feels like it was many years ago. There is no way I could have predicted that first year of marriage would go the way it did—overshadowed by so much global, national, and local unrest.
Overshadowed is the right word. I want to write about our year as a couple, our love, and how amazing Jim has been through this entire year, but my brain can’t get away from thinking about all the mess. The 2020 vortex of doom and the mental and emotional strain. I suppose if we can survive all that, we can probably weather any storm right?
It’s a question. Why is it a question?
It’s just where my head is at today. I’m not thinking about celebration. I’m not thinking about spending the evening together or going out to dinner with him for the first time in about 11 months. I’m not thinking about planning the next adventure or what this next year will bring. My mind is wandering elsewhere and stressed and I’ve got a knot in my stomach over running out of time.
Time is a strange beast. A dimension that’s hard to understand and even harder to deal with as it’s always slipping away. I feel stressed about deadlines and never having enough time. An inbox full of messages causes anxiety to rise in my throat. It’s like every minute of the day I’m carefully calculating what the next move is, never quite catching up or getting ahead.
Why can’t I settle down and just enjoy the day? Why does everything feel so urgent? And how did it get to be 11am and I haven’t walked yet or showered or made our lunches or done half the other things on my to-do list.
I’m gonna quit there. Even this is starting to feel like a wrench in my plans for this day. I need to let go and get some focus.
It’s my freaking anniversary people!! That’s gotta be the focus now. Effffff everything else.
Cheers to Year 1!! 🥂