2021-02-03 It’s Not My Anniversary Anymore

Day 1 being vegetarian and reinstating other dietary behaviors: Great Success. “This is gonna be good.” 

Day 2: “It’s my anniversary and my husband is taking me out for dinner, screw the diet.” AND “I’ll start again tomorrow.”

Day 3: “I want to, but those leftovers look sooooo good.” …

~To Be Continued~ 

In other news, the evening yesterday and celebrating our 1 year anniversary went OK. Things were great at dinner and for a while back at home. I drank too much though and started to fade by like 9pm. I know my hubby was disappointed that my energy fizzled early and the fact that I wanted to just call it a night and go to bed. It was a Tuesday, so there’s work today and school and we ALREADY celebrated a bunch on our trip last week.

So he was clearly not happy but as usual didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to spoil the day or mood either with and deep thinking or discussions (and was in no state for it last night) but things between us are not just peachy keen. Ask me any day of the week and my outlook changes.

Many times I don’t say anything because I assume it’s just a mood that will pass. Then things get good again and I say to myself  “see, I told you so.” 

But when I end up thinking about something so much, eventually it needs to be discussed. Concerns being brought up in open, honest, and thoughtful discussions.. That’s what adult communication with a committed couple should be right? Why do I struggle with that?

Why do I always want to sweep things away like they are just a temporary thought of no importance? Why do I put it all on myself? And why the hell do I say I’ll bring it up when the time is right when the time is NEVER right?

Not my first rodeo folks. If I know anything about myself, and I think I do, I know this is a bad pattern of behavior with me. It was there with Brian and Matt so it stands to reason it would not change just because my partner is a different person. 

Lucky for me the person is different. And if there’s anyone who can help me change it’s Jim. He’s amazing and so far, all the tough conversations we have had had, have ended positively (except one). Yes that’s right, we’ve been married for 1 year and have had only one disagreement that could not be resolved immediately. That’s pretty good right? 

We’ve known each other for almost 3 years and haven’t really ever had a “fight.” And I don’t expect any discussion I initiate about concerns will turn into a fight. I just can’t imagine it. I hope I’m not wrong. 

All of this was on my mind yesterday but, as I said, I avoided it and just tried to focus on the day. Now today is a new day and a new opportunity to do better. 

This includes my diet. I CAN do it!! I can get back on plan and stick with it for the remainder of February. 

Yes, I Can, 

~Miss SugarCookie


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