2021-09-24 Over it.. Already

It’s day 5 of going to the hospital and I’m already over it. I hate that it feels obligatory and routine. I hate that it seems to cut my day in half. I don’t use the word hate a lot but in this case it fits. What’s a girl to do? 

To balance things out and soothe my worried mind, I’m leaning on other people more than usual. I‘ve been transparent with people about my limited time and the circumstance, to level set expectations.

I posted about checking in the hospital on Facebook which is way out of character for me. I just want folks in those outer circles to know. Then, as we spiral in close to home I’ve basically reached out via text and whatnot that the surgery was happening this week. The responses I’ve gotten have been kind and encouraging and it really has made a difference so far in my mood. 

Then yesterday I indulged in two meetups with friends. I met my friend JS for a quick lunch between times visiting the ICU. I then went directly to a rooftop bar in Benson to meet MK at dinner time. We were there for several hours and it was so good. She’s an incredible person and we always have loads to chat about. 

When I returned home in the evening i found my hubby freshly home himself from a meetup with his best bro. I got to hear all about that and there was no need for me to go in detail about my mom. I just didn’t want to think or talk about it. 

Nothing to say anyway. She’s had another surgery and so now it’s just down to recovery. That’s it. 

Like I said, it was good to lean on folks and not let myself feel the pressures of all the things left undone. All those check boxes will still be there tomorrow. And they are. And here it is tomorrow and I’m beginning again. 

I’ve completed a few of my Friday house chores and am indulging in a little treadmill time. I’m all caught up on Bachelor in Paradise and not sure how I’ll get motivated to do cardio. It’s gotten to where I need something interesting to watch to distract me from how much I hate jogging. 

There’s that word again. Hate. Very curious. 

In other news I am trying to maximize the times I have at the hospital when my mom just wants to be left alone to doze off. I’ve taken my laptop and have been spending time on Submittable. The hospital room is not the right vibe for writing or revising but I can submit poems all day long from just about anywhere. Outside the required research and reading, it’s pretty much a robotic exercise at this point.

I breached my September goal of 50 active subs yesterday and the new plan is to hold steady right there. I’ve done this in the past. Get a rejection and then find a new place to sub. This time the twist is that I’m committing to only submitting to higher quality publications. It was actually one of my goals for June or July but it didn’t happen. 

This month I created an algorithm to score a publication to see how they rank based on my own criteria. The real value in that exercise was figuring out what is important to me and I don’t really need to plug in the numbers to get the score to get a sense for how they rate. The most heavily weighted criteria are the longevity of a publication, their acceptance rate, their money model, and the format and frequency in which they publish. 

Of course the recognizability of name is key, but in reality the longer running organizations are going to be the ones whose names you read in other people’s bios and covet. Those are the names I can mention off the top of my head and have rarely submitted to thus far. 

Regardless, there is very little difference to me when receiving a rejection. It doesn’t seem to matter what publisher is rejecting my writing. A rejection is just a door opening to submit somewhere else. That’s a healthy and positive attitude I think. 

Enough about that. I gotta get a move on my day. No rest for the wicked. 

Three Cheers for Friday, 

~Miss SugarCookie

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