Hey guess what?! Turns out I’m anti-social.

No kidding!! 

Ok… so that’s not new news but I did a creativity workshop this morning and one of the bullet points staring at me from the barrel of that PowerPoint gun was this:
❀ Opening ourselves to new experiences opens the door to creativity ❀

No kidding?!! 

Yeah… I suppose that’s not new news either but it was definitely a good reminder as I spend a ridiculous amount of time thinking how to orchestrate avoiding people and unfamiliar situations. Quite literally. By nature I’m and introvert afflicted with a medium level of social anxiety. Especially when I am entering into activities that involve people I don’t know.

For the past few months I’ve been thinking constantly about how, exactly, to withdraw myself more from society at large and find peace and comfort in the familiar spaces I’ve curated for myself and my life. 

Including this exact moment. You have no idea how logistically difficult it is to be at a conference and at the same time sneak away for private sessions that actually allow a break from the anxiety to enjoy the tried and true experience of working out on the elliptical machine… and writing. 

Good gravy I’m at a writers conference and can’t freaking write anything. The closest I’ve come is a session yesterday which was a guided meditation stepping us through a series of strange and unconventional prompts. It was a good session. I got a few good starter nuggets. So is this. I can feel it. 

But I had to manage coordinating two wardrobe changes with the fact I had to check out of the hotel at 11 because of something going on super early tomorrow AM and will be driving home late. Couple that with attendance at breakfast, the first morning session, and sneaking out before the second session started to actually get my things to my car and also sneak back in to change my clothes and make my way to the exercise room. 

Total stealth poet. 

So here I am… with a bit of smug self-congratulation for pulling it off, yet I end up thinking about how all this avoidance, both here and in my life in general, might be that actual reason I can’t write anything new. 

If I’m not experiencing anything new, Im stunting my ability to generate new ideas. The well is empty, if you will, and I’m not doing anything to fill it up. 

Now before you go spouting off calling me Captain Obvious, let me also say that, yes, I know all this already. The presentation was just a reminder. A very timely reminder.

Since I’m slow to process, today I stuck with the plan to sneak out and be with you again. I’m not quick enough to pivot when the plan is already in motion. Gotta stick with it and figure the rest out later. Now it is later and the perfect time for rumination. 

The other plan in the works— my “Big Moves” plan is what I am thinking about. I’ve been writing about it for a while (see exhibit A and exhibit B for reference) and it has already started to unfold but as of now, the real target “Big Move” objective remains unidentified. So there’s still time to change my mind about what direction to go. 

The first step of the original plan, which needn’t change too much is my withdrawal from most external commitments so I can put deep focus on whatever I decide what that next Big thing might be. 

The wheels are already in motion for that. And it starts as soon as I get home from this last hurrah in Norfolk, Nebraska. I don’t have any commitments outside of family and The Good Life Review until the first of the year. Nothing that will require my presence or input. I’ll be a free bird. And I’ll have the latitude to work on and do pretty much anything I want. 

I just haven’t pinned down what I want. But, wow, doesn’t that sound swell?!! 

When I wrote earlier that the notion of new experiences leading to inspiration is not news to me, I meant it. 

A good friend of mine, V, led me to this conclusion in 2010 and that resulted in my first blog. Followed, of course, by ALL THE BLOGS, including this one and also the one I had in 2014 where the idea of Miss SugarCookie was born. 

The focus and intent of that particular blog was for me to choose one new experience each week for a whole year. Something I’d never done before. Try it and then write about it. So I practically wrote a book on experience leading to inspiration. That year I wrote at least 52 blog posts… Each about a new thing I tried or my general observations about the process. 

We are nearing the 10 year anniversary of that adventure and so to receive the message again today feels a bit like divine intervention. Thanks Char. 

I am certain that the next thought I have will be the epiphany that leads me to a conclusion about WHAT I should do with the gift of time I have been given this autumn. And like a cruel joke, my time is up.

Elliptical tells me I should be in cool down mode. Mine at home doesn’t do that, but I guess it’s a good thing because I am on a schedule and need to get going. 

Next, I need to sneak to the nearest bathroom to change back into my business casual attire and then find a quiet spot to hang out until the next session begins. Oh the lengths I’ll go to to get my exercise (and writing) fix. 

But I feel so much better so.. mission accomplished. 

Thanks for reading, 
~Miss SugarCookie 
AKA Stealth Poet