In 2024 I spent a fair bit of time in reflection and despite the constant hum of hope vibrating in my core, actual life felt like a huge struggle much of the time. I entered the year in a self-imposed hibernation and was poised to come out swinging in February. I was going to make 2024 great. 

That dance of re-emergence at AWP in February exceeded my expectations and maybe it was that high I was cruising on that made the weeks and months to follow feel flat. I recognize that maybe my expectations were too high. I sort of set myself up for that flat feeling. 

I was also struggling with my writing and had convinced myself that the well was empty, that I’d lost the spark. So I went on a months-long quest to try and figure out “what’s next.” I’ll spare the gory details of that and just say that my conclusion was to stop, with pressure, with expectations, and with worry and just be kind to myself, celebrating the magic and wonder in life a little each day. 

Good gravy it should not have taken me months to get there, but whatever. 

Things will happen, or they won’t. Maybe I’ll write some poems and maybe I won’t. I’ll gain a few pounds and lose them again. I’ll get 100 rejections in 100 days and then one sparking acceptance… and nobody but me will notice or care.  

I’ll work through each week and season of The Good Life, and maybe six people will leave the team, but we’ll gain seven   new ones around the next bend. I’ll spend my precious free time composing beautiful emails that may or may not be opened by the recipients. But at least I’ll know in my heart I gave it my best. 

In 2025 I think I need to work on giving my best to the people in my inner circle too.  I forget to do that sometimes. I push real hard on projects and then don’t have much left at the end of the day for people who really matter. And perhaps I’m finally able to admit that I’m in perimenopause and just don’t have the same mental or physical stamina to do ALL the things I used to. 

I can still put my socks on standing up without falling over, though. That’s something. 😜

The answer to the question “what’s next” could be a nap. Naps are great. It could be reaching out to a friend I haven’t seen in a while. It could be making a trip to the store to get decorations for my least favorite holiday (Valentine’s Day). And it could be gifting myself an afternoon of guilt-free reading for enjoyment. 

I’m also starting 2025 out on a positive note because I wrote a bunch in December and proved to myself that I could do it. They may not all be winners, but winning is in the eye of the beholder. 

Hey…. That’s me! I’m the one who gets to decide my own definition for winning, my own definition of success. And success may just be feeling joy from what I’ve created. It might be the feels I get from sharing with my partner and having him say “Wow. I love that.”  Which is exactly what he said about the poem I wrote on December 31st. I was awake at 3:30AM and by 6:30, I had a draft I wanted to share. 

Perhaps no one else ever reads it. Perhaps that’s OK. That’s me actively trying to unlearn what they preach in the MFA – that publishing is the goal, when it shouldn’t be. Not for me anyway, because I don’t need to beef up a CV for my career.

Another cue could be taken from A few of the former mentors of that program who are now sharing their writing on Substack. Maybe they made that choice to cut out the middle-man and take back their power, or maybe they actually have paid subscribers they use to supplement their income. Whatever the reason, there’s an important lesson there. That it’s our one precious life and we get to choose. 

I’ve been on substack for about 7 months and still only have one subscriber. But I’m only doing it for me, the same approach I’ve taken with WordPress for 13 years. I like to see the stats and love when someone likes my posts, but the actual act of writing is where the biggest value comes from. My own form of mostly free therapy. 

Poetry is one step removed from that. It’s an activity where I attempt to “elevate the plate” as they might say on Master Chef. And I’m not sure if I’d get any value at all form sharing that on some online platform. Which leads back to the importance is finding value and joy in the act. I might need to continually remind myself of that for a while. Old habits are hard to break. 

Ok. My time is almost up. Actually twice since the writing of this took two elliptical workouts. 

Needless to say, I’ve already been to the dollar tree and purchased a few Valentines decorations and also blank cards to fill out and send. That’s a good start. 

Thanks for reading. 

Cheers, 

~Miss SugarCookie