It’s 4:45AM. I woke up at four. I’m not in my own house and therefore not in my own bed and I probably had four hours of sleep at the most. At the most. I’ve got a few things on my mind, one of which is a song which I don’t know the lyrics to so my brain is just humming the melody. That’s very annoying. If I am going to have a song stuck in my head I should at least know the lyrics. I should google it so I can sing it for real.
I snuck downstairs so quiet so as not to disturb the sleeping. I’m comfortable enough here, in the waking hours, but sleeping is a whole other game. And if you are following along with my game, you know I’m already sleep challenged. Shit.
It doesn’t help matters that I’m still congested. Did I mention I don’t get sick? I DON”T GET SICK. UGH. I don’t get sick like this so I don’t know what to do. I’m probably not taking care of myself the right way and I’m so convinced that if I just go about things like nothing is wrong, it’s just going to get better. I felt better yesterday and even rocked the steps and the exercise like NBB. Yet here I sit, eyes watering, can’t breathe, and I presume my voice is still not recovered.
Despite that, we had a nice night last night. We talked and cooked dinner together and then ate and watched a movie, “The Illusionist”. The movie was not as good as I expected, but my expectations were high based on feedback from folks I’ve talked to. Cooking dinner together was the best part. He made some pre-dinner snacks while I cooked and magically he had all the ingredients on hand for gluten-free stuffed bell peppers. I’ll have to remember that one because I’ve got lots of peppers and it was pretty simple to make.
It’s been a strange road so far with this guy. He’s so different than most of the men I have met, in a good way. When I think back to our first meet-up at the coffee shop on July 23rd and the 24 hours prior to that, I almost can’t believe how it’s all unfolded. Very unusual indeed.
He was my 6th first date and I was 45 minutes late due to getting the time wrong. As such, I had rushed and was not really put together like I would have liked and just kind of ran out the door. The night prior was first date #5 which landed me driving alone to Walnut creek to cry. To be fair, it wasn’t really him, it was all me and the woes in my head. That night I had terrible sleep that was consumed by a massive headache. That’s that part that makes me think it’s kind of crazy I am here right now.
How in the world did I think it was a good idea after all that to still try to meet? The cards were stacked against it, yet I still jumped in my car and drove all the way to Benson. We had a nice chat and he was very charming. Again, different than people I know and people I have met, but I think that is part of what I am drawn to. I don’t want ordinary, I’m looking for extraordinary.
That’s a strange word, extraordinary. One might take it to mean ordinary to the nth degree, but it means quite the opposite. The English language is so odd.
Anyway, so here I am, two months later, waking up in his house, in his bed and wondering where this road will lead. There is no lack in conversation, though I feel like it’s a bit over my head at times. Living under a rock has it’s disadvantages which includes not being able to follow along when people make references to things you should probably know about.
We have not had an conversations about what “this” is or where it’s going and he’s not said a great deal about what he thinks about me or us. I don’t want to presume anything and I also don’t want to fall into the communication void like I had with Matt where we just didn’t talk about it at all. Then again, when I was at the point he and I had been dating for two months it was perfectly clear how he felt about me, and me him. In this situation, it’s just.. well.. different.
I spoke a little bit to Rebecca when I was in Austin about how different these beginnings are and she issued that it was OK. Every situation is different and comparing apples and oranges don’t do any good (my words not hers). So I’m just taking this one interaction at a time and trying not to over-analyze or look ahead to the future too much. Both of those are tough for me so it’s a challenge.
I keep telling myself that if it all just fizzles out tomorrow, I’ll still have gained a lot already and I just need to to be grateful for that.
And now it IS tomorrow. I’m going to sneak back to bed now so I can be there when he wakes up.
Different is Good,
PS. The Song in my head is “StarBoy” by The Weekend, and I did look up the words and I’m not gonna try to get those lyrics down, eeeeek. Hopefully now that I’ve written a bit, it will be out of my head anyway.