2018-01-05 MFA Residency Day 7 – Giving Oneself Permission

I had a deep desire to stay in bed this morning after I first woke at 5AM and as I lay there with my thoughts, I miraculously fell back asleep. And I dreamt.

I didn’t realize I was dreaming until I came to the point in the dream which I recognize now as a reoccurring theme in a lot of my dreams. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I don’t have the time now to go look up the facts. We learned in lecture this week never to stop writing what you are writing to go verify facts or choose a characters name or some other thing because you will get sucked into the internet of things (or in my case, the journal history of things) and you will lose what it is you were writing.

When you come back to it, if you come back to it, it will be altogether different and colored by what you have just discovered. So I won’t look up if I’ve talked about my recurring dream theme, where I’m in some sort of vehicle, usually a car, and driving on a path not of my choosing with undertones of danger that I sometimes can’t put my finger on until it’s too late. I’ll just say that’s where I found myself between 5:30 and 7AM.

This time, I was with Lori Long Legs, who I’ve been in contact with recently but before that, not for years. It’s still strange that she showed up in my dream, with her grown children, since our interactions have been so brief. I helped her start the car. I think I was in the front seat at first, but once the car was started (and she was driving from the front seat passenger side), I was suddenly in the back seat and she was driving and her son was in the front seat drivers side.

I think the position of the people in the dream has some significance, because everything MUST have some significance or it has no purpose. That’s another thing I have been told this week. They were talking about literature and fiction and creative non-fiction, of course, so it probably doesn’t apply to dreams. But I’d like to think that it does.

It feels nice to be able to give yourself permission to do things you don’t normally do. I gave myself permission to stay in bed and be at peace with that and not get up right away or worry about stepping or getting to breakfast on time or doing that thing I was asked to do with the video software.

I got recruited to help edit video for the DVDs they burn folks of all the lectures and readings. I was trained on how to do it last night and then I thoughtfully told the gal I would do it in the morning because I was in no shape to do anything after 9PM. That’s what happens when you wake up before 5AM. By 9PM, you are completely spent.

I did make it down to the lecture room where they have the video camera that records all the lectures and the computer which they use to transfer the video files, and edit them, and transport them onto an external drive to be burnt onto discs. I got recruited to help not because of my background and comfort level with computers, but because I apparently appear dependable, prompt, and kind. I suppose in the grand scheme of things, that’s what I want people to know or think about me. I’m not just a computer science nerd who is currently geeking out on AWS and building a website in the cloud where I might house, develop, and execute my master plan for taking over the world. When I do that.. it will no doubt involve poetry.

“Everyone knows poetry is the key ingredient in any plot to take over the world.”

I say it with a straight face and one might laugh, but I’m not laughing.
One might stop laughing right about the time they realize it’s true and I’ve just taken over the world. Just I don’t realize I’m dreaming right up to the point when I do.
Then it will be too late, of course.

I only have 28% battery life left in my laptop and am going to go plug in at my room. It’s also lunchtime and I want to see what is on the menu today. I did like giving myself permission this morning. I think I’ll have to try that more often.

Thoughtfully yours,
~Miss SugarCookie

PS. I had to research the use of one’s self versus oneself and I’m still unclear after visiting grammars.com which one I should be using. The question is – Am I talking about the actual me or the philosophical, spiritual me? I’m actually talking about both.

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