I should be reading and I should be going over my notes and revisions or SOMETHING else productive, but I just can’t seem to focus when I have other stuff just burning my brain. BURNING.
I’ve been out a couple times now with a new dude and I really like him and he says that he really likes me. We have officially gone out twice and unofficially I’ve visited him twice at his side gig as a bartender at an Irish Pub downtown. We’ve also been texting back and forth quite a bit. It has been really nice actually, to have someone who is clearly into be be responsive. The feeling is mutual. I’ve been fairly pleased with the way things are going so far. The catch happens to be how much time he seems to have for actually going out.
I’ve put some thought into this. I’m typically the person who does not have enough time, but this guy has two jobs and three teenage kids. He’s pretty busy and I have chalked our several re-schedules up to those facts and the reality that stuff comes you have responsibilities. A few of those reschedules were on me also. We eventually met for a first date over a week ago and then this week on Tuesday we had date #2. Both went great!
After date #2 I asked when he was free next and he said Friday night, so we agreed that would be date #3. That never happened because someone asked if he could cover the shift at the bar and since he is a nice guy who can’t say no, he said yes. That left me alone on a Friday night. I ended up putting in a few hours at work, and then napping, and then actually going downtown to the bar so it worked out anyway. I rediscovered that I am definitely not a late night bar person especially when it’s a crowded place and I am not there with someone else. Despite my mild social anxiety, I did ok chatting with different people who came and went (drunk people are pretty friendly and sort of entertaining).
We reschedule again for today and I was very much looking forward to it. I don’t have my kids until tomorrow and the whole day was open for whatever so I was just going to roll with whatever we decided to do.
I went to Jazzercise this morning.
I went shopping after that for a few household items.
Then I went to the gym (during which he called to check in and let me know what he was up to and that he would reach out later).
Then I finished blogging and worked for an hour or so.
Then I went back out shopping again, this time for groceries.
Then I cooked dinner.
Somewhere in there I showered and got dressed as if I was going out on a date later.
A little bit ago I decided to really try and read and write, but felt so tired (serious lack of sleep).
I took off my dress and my tights and my little sweater and crawled into bed for a nap.
Now it’s past 9PM and there has been no communication whatsoever. No response to the 1 text I sent. Nada.
On the one hand, it seems pretty out of character given the history of his responsiveness and so like a silly girl, I’m worried there might be something wrong, and on the other hand my brain is pretty hot about being stood up. I know I’m the one with a busy week coming up and I have something going on almost every single night which is not how I like to roll. My kids come back home tomorrow and I’m already feeling guilty for having so many plans that don’t include them.
I’m already down about this whole dating thing and really just needed something in the win column. I swear, I am not that needy of a person and I am really easy to please. I’m a little bit of a pushover and too forgiving and sometimes people seem to naturally just take advantage of that, whether they know they are doing it or not. With this guy, I really don’t know what to think. I’m at a loss.
I’m still kind of sleepy from having tried to nap and decided to move all of my “homework” to the kitchen space to keep myself from just crawling back into bed. I’m not going to sugar coat it though, it might happen anyway.
I just had to get this out so I could try to focus on something else. If this is it, and this guy just goes AWOL on me, I’m out. I’m done with the freaking dating game. DONE I say.. done done.
Over and Out,