2018-05-11 Being Female

I had two babies. I would not trade the experience I had growing human beings inside of me for anything. It was truly amazing. Just think about it.. Where there was nothing a life grew. They developed and kicked me from the inside and rolled around. Incredible.

I have to remember that on days like today when I feel crampy and bloated and just want to crawl back in bed. On top of that it’s a rainy day and it would be really great to sleep the morning away.

Yesterday I ended up cancelling my lunch plans and it was a great decision. I didn’t need the stress of revisiting any part of that past. What’s in the past just needs to stay in the past. Instead I worked straight through the day with the hope that I’ll have enough hours going into the weekend to relax and enjoy Saturday and Sunday. I want more QT with JS like I had last night.

It was a great date. We sat around and talked for a while, then he cooked us dinner, then we took it outside to the hot-tub. It was a cool and breezy evening and it was really neat to sink down into the hot water. I brought my glass of red wine and we talked more and made out some and it was fabulous. Now THAT is living right.

Earlier that day I was sort of thinking (worrying) about accidentally getting knocked up. I was thinking about what it would do to my life right now if something like that happened. I was going on three days late for that monthly party and all of a sudden the thought of 20 more years of parenting became an incredible weight. Thankfully it was lifted in the afternoon when the party finally started. We talked about that a little bit.

It feels so great to be able to have conversations with him about everything. It’s so easy and open and that is how it’s supposed to be. We’ve had some doozies already.. you kinda have to at our age. I mean, you don’t get to 40 and not have baggage and shit that you’ve been through.

Of course when it comes to a pregnancy scare, it’s less about the past and more about fear of the furure. To that we were both like “fuck”. But at that point it was all just kind of “what if” and laughable since this was hours after the scare was over.

I had two babies and I would not trade that experience or my beautiful children for anything, but that’s it for me. I don’t want more. I think it would wreck me actually. It’s enough that I still have all the other fun things that go along with being a female. Days like today for example. /sigh

On that note.. I’m so over this cardio too (which is just treadmill today). Time to switch gears.

Takin’ it all easy,

~Miss SugarCookie

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