It’s been a few days again. Everything is wonderful of course and it’s nice for that to be the reason for my absence from the blogging scene instead of the alternative which world be something terrible I’m sure. This blog has become such an essential part of my life and routine, I think about it when It’s been too long.
The big change which has cause my missed days as of late is my new relationship. It’s been really great so far and I just want to spend as much time as I can with him. He feels the same way. The consequence of that just happens to be less time for other things. That includes writing and working out and probably spending time on my other relationships.
It also means my mind is on now and the future and not the past. I’ve spent less time thinking about my hardships and failures. It’s truely less about letting go and more just a byproduct of thinking about other things. (And doing other things).
The increased time at Work helps too. Take for example this week. A few days ago I was just starting the week and thinking about our plans this week and also the summer. In that, I completely glossed over my wedding anniversary. May 22nd would have been my 25 year wedding anniversary had I stayed married. Every year since, both before and after the divorce, it’s been a day of remembrance. But not this week! Wow!!
I didn’t even realize it on the day and then yesterday I was looking at the team calendar for something and noticed it was the 24th. I was all like “huh, I guess that happened”. And then I smile because it was kind of a great feeling to not have that melancholy. After 8 years being divorced, most of the emotions have had plenty of time to soften. It’s all dissolved into a pathetic sort of sad regret.
Sad regret mostly for all the years I wasted in the end. All the years upon years I continued to try and fight against the inevitable. A little anger too for the fact that I put up with poor treatment and what I would now call unnacceptBle behavior by the person who was supposed to love me and be my partner for life.
Sadly sometimes we don’t recognize something when we are so down in it. It truly has taken some time and also other life experience to see the past for what it is. I know it’s just the start of my new life now, but I feel like this is how a partnership should be.
JS cares, and is supportive of me about everything. My life dreams, my work efforts, my parenting responsibilities, and my sensitivities. We’ve talked about lots of things and through all those conversations I’ve been open and honest and now, when something comes up, I can just mention it and he has context for why I’m thinking or feeling a certain way. The flip side is true too.
He’s shared lots of pieces of his history so when I listen to how his day went, I know what things are affecting him a certain way and why. I want to be supportive to. I want to be a good partner. We both do and that’s how it should be. Yeah, forgetting something that happened 25 years ago or two years ago or 1 year ago because today is so freaking awesome is how it should be.
That’s probably why rebound relationships are a thing. In hindsight I’ve got to be grateful for the pain I went through because if I would have jumped right into another relationship and would not have met JS. It makes me believe there is a reason for everything. I don’t want too deep or philosophical but the Universe has a plan and the Fates are dancing around all the time leading us down the path.
Talking about the Fates is kind of a Josh thing and that deserves a blog post of its own. Now is not the time. Nope.. now is the time for switching gears and getting started with my Fabulous Friday. JS took the day off of work and even though I still have work to do we have lots of plans. We’re multitasking together. Yay for that and yay for thinking about today instead of any other.
Having Cake and Eating it Too,