Yesterday my love and I celebrated 6 months being married. I’m not super squishy sentimentally speaking but I do like to acknowledge these milestones. What a wild ride so far!! Never could have predicted how the first 6 months as a wife would be. Not in a million efffing years. For real. But, as I said to one of my co-workers yesterday, “it is what it is.”

It’s a good reminder that many things are wildly out of our control. I have to remember that, you know. That the point if it all is to live and try to enjoy life and not let the worry take over.

Now, today, this third day in August in the year 2020 I’ve had the relaxing weekend I needed. I indulged a lot in things that make me happy this past weekend. I shrugged at the pile of work waiting for me and the deadlines and decision on whether or not to quit my job.

After this past weekend, it’s a no-brainer. I got my period and that was the last thing I was waiting for in order to know for sure that what I’ve been thinking is right. It is. The question now is, when. When do I give notice and how long do I give. MVP is being released in September and by then the person they hired to supplement my efforts will be completely up to speed and immersed in it all. They won’t need me anymore. The timing will be perfect. (The timing is never going to be perfect, and, ummm, the universe has a way of reminding us the we are not in control.)

Anyway, that’s enough if that BS.

After this past week I’ve progressed to reducing my daily dose of lorazepam to .25 mg every third day. Which isn’t really a daily dose but there’s no way to cut those little pills down any further so really I’m just going as long as I can without taking another. My original goal was to be done by the end of July. I’m close, but not quite there. Those side effects really are a bummer.

It’s crazy to think that something that I was taking to help me sleep was actually the cause of so much of my daytime issues. Not sure how I was not able to connect the dots on that one but at least I know now. Those drugs are evil. Just one more thing that leaves a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to western medicine. Solving a problem with something that creates three more problems?! No thanks!!

In other news… As we approach the end of July I was spending more and more time looking at Submittable for the lit mag. I went on a bit of a submissions spree and now I’ve got dozens of poems out in the wild waiting to be rejected. Sometimes the rejections come really quick. Somebody looks at it right away and knows that it’s not For them.

In my estimation, the longer they are out there, the better chance They have for actually getting picked up. I can imagine all my hopeful little poems in some ‘maybe’ pile, just waiting.

I did have one set of poems get accepted almost Immediately. Like two days after. That was a rush! The trouble then becomes waiting for those poems to actually be published. This publisher actually said they were up to almost a year out in some cases. Wow, that’s a long time to wait. Still an acceptance is an acceptance. That’s probably why I see in a lot of peoples bios that they have things forthcoming. A big waiting game indeed.

I’m gonna cool it on that front for a while. I’ve decided my next leap of faith will be to put out a chapbook. Pick the best of the best from my thesis and try to make that into something cohesive. I just need to stay on track with that.

That’s it folks. My time is up today and I’ve got to pivot and git on it.

Cheers to the start of another week and embracing the uncontrollable nature of life!
~Miss SugarCookie