2020-08-17 Matters of Perspective

I’m gonna quit my job today. I’m a little anxious and nervous about that but also just ready for the moment to be done. There’s no official letter, no big to-do. That’s really not how this gig is. I mean, if I was a corporate cool-aid drinker, maybe. But I’m not, so it’s more like just letting folks know I’m bout to fade into the rear view.

Compared to other things I’ve had to quit, it should not be that tough.

AND… since I’ve been going on and on about this for days (and weeks) now, I’m just gonna cut that topic right now. Instead I’d like to meander west where the sunset lingers a little longer and a person can sit with a hot tea and enjoy some poetry. A place that’s warm and safe where sleep comes easy and stays a while.

But what to say, what to say? Perhaps an update in my attempt to quit the benzodiazepines.

I’m almost done with the lorazepam. That’s good news. I’m down to a sliver of a dose every two or three days which I only take to alleviate the nasty withdrawal symptoms. I was told it takes about 6 weeks after quitting it to really be free of it. I mean, everybody’s body is different and what I feel might be very different than the next person.

I struggle explaining what I’m feeling but at least I can now recognize what it is. I can associate my general teeth ache and dizzy-headedness as my bodies reaction to not getting what it thinks it needs. And to think I was once convinced that if I could get a good night sleep I could somehow fix those strange symptoms. I’m so sick of feeling this way and will be very happy when I’m finally free of all of it.

It’s been such a slow process and has taken a lot longer than I had hoped. Hard to believe it was June when I crashed hard and two months have passed since then. Hard to believe that it will likely still take me to the end of August (and 4-6 weeks after that) before I will be able to say I’m over it.

I’d love to say it’s the worst break up from a defendant relationship I’ve ever had, but it’s not. Getting myself out of life with Matt was way more painful and took a lot longer. So how tough quitting something is, is truly a matter of perspective.

Strange that came out of no-where just now. Not exactly what I want to be thinking about today. 🤣

On that note, my time is up. Time to jam.

Happy Quitting Day,
~Miss SugarCookie

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