In the last few days, I’ve driven about 8 hours to get where I’m currently sitting. I’m more, half-laying than sitting, propped up with pillows behind me in a bed in a 2.5-star hotel somewhere that’s really the middle of nowhere. It doesn’t matter where. The bed is in the middle of a room which is in the middle of the first floor of the hotel, in the middle of a suburb of a large metropolitan area, in the middle of a state, somewhere in the middle of the united states on Earth which is in the middle of a solar system on a spiral arm of stars in the Milky Way galaxy. Which is, conveniently, somewhere in the middle of the Universe.
We (human beings) are the only ones who made up all these names to name all the places so we can navigate around and pinpoint where we are. The truth is that it does not matter. I think that’s part of the appeal of the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy. Much of it is nonsense and even when the Earth is destroyed (spoiler alert) there are higher powers at work and it doesn’t matter.
This feeling that nothing matters is kind of a hopeless feeling. The robot in the movie is dreadfully depressed but perhaps that’s because he has a higher level of understanding about life. Just sayn’.
I’m kinda stranded in this hotel room because my travel partner took the car to meet a friend who also happens to be in the middle of nowhere USA today and today only. I’m happy for them, to get to see each other since they are normally like 1500 miles apart and only communicate via some app on their phones. Meeting people, in person is really where it’s at. It doesn’t matter where it is.
Anyhow, so being alone and stranded with just the stuff I brought with me kind of leads my brain to some strange places. I definitely have too much time to think and here’s what I have done so far to occupy myself (good gravy, of course, it’s a list)…
- I pulled out my laptop and put it on the charger, connected to wifi so I could look up availability for tickets for Meow Wolf. The preference would be to go Saturday and there is still plenty of availability so I won’t book until I can confirm with Z what time is best.
- I changed out of the clothes I was wearing to get more comfortable. It’s like 2 in the afternoon, but hey, pajamas are always better.
- I googled the trail ride place I found on the internet yesterday and called to see if they have spots available tomorrow and left a message so they could call me back.
- I crawled into bed and got under the covers. Once settled in, I opened my laptop again to finish watching the latest episode of the bachelorette. I’m really into this show, and it makes me forget about the hopelessness I’m feeling if only for a moment. I was actually sad when the episode ended because I knew I was being returned to my regularly scheduled life. So boring. The show kind of makes me want to travel to Belgum and France and Amsterdam. Maybe I should travel more.
- I decided to pull the shades and try to nap. What’s this? A sub list??!!
- I already got my steps today and have very little desire to go back to the fitness center or walk anywhere in this 95+ degree heat and sun.
- I didn’t want to read a book.
- I’m not hungry because I snacked all the way here.
- I don’t have any pressing emails to follow up on but I did see an announcement for a poet friend whose new book is now on presale so I went to that website and bought a copy.
- I thought briefly about doing what I am doing right now, but the thought of writing seemed off putting too. So a nap was where I landed.
- 5 minutes after falling asleep, the horse ranch called me back. Of course. No nap for this SugarCookie.
- I tried to read.
- First, a few anthologies I’ve picked up subscribing to lit journals while submitting. A lovely reminder how all my poetry is not good enough for the fancy places. I read the poems and think my poetry will never be like that. A nice hit to my self esteem. On a good day I’d say “duck it” … who cares? But not today. Today I’m all, puts-head-in-hands, “what’s the point.”
- I also tried to read the dystopian fiction I brought. I got 4 pages in and quit. My heart’s just not in it.
- I got my laptop back out and started to write this post.
- I got up and put my normal clothes back on to walk the hotel in search of ice from the ice maker. Super random, but that’s what happens when you are stranded.
- Then I decided I wasn’t stranded because I have two feet and can walk anywhere I want. Well, not to Belgium or France but maybe to the Circle K to see what strange things might be afoot there.
There it is. A satisfying list of 10 things. And somewhere after 8 and before 9 I willed my brain to switch gears and I quit writing.
Nobody cares about my stupid existential crisis anyhow.
So here I am in the exercise room of the 2.5 star hotel in the middle of nowhere and it’s a new day.
My original plan was to walk to the circle K, which I did. But when I’m got there I was starting to feel pretty good and wanted to keep going. My plan with Z was originally to hit the Target while here so we could get anything we forgot or “needed” in the moment. So Target became my new destination. I kept walking.
Once at Target I started shopping immediately for jeans because I didn’t bring any long pants and I “need” some for the horseback ride. Then shirts, then shoes, cuz this is what one does at Target.
It’s been a million years since I tried clothes on and I had no idea what size I am anymore since I’ve put on weight.
I also picked out this really cute half shirt and it’s been a million years since I wore something like that. But I just finished watching “I feel pretty” the other day and am going to go with the whole “duck it” attitude when it comes to feeling crappy about the way I look.
Don’t you love it that every time I try to use the word “fuck” my auto-correct changes it to “duck?” So cute, so I’m going with it. Gives new meaning to the phrase “just ducky.” 😂
Anyway, eventually my daughter finished her meet up and I told her to pick me up at Target. She did and we went to Sally Beauty to get hair color for round 2 because round 1 earlier this week didn’t take.
Then we went to get tacos for dinner at a local place. And then back to the hotel for the evening.
The original plan was to do that color thing the night before our meet up with Zach and Ryan from One Republic, which is today, but we were both so tired we just talked and played cards and crashed out early.
This makes today a very busy day. No time for existential crisis. And that’s a good thing because I really can’t stand myself in that mode. I’m so depressing.
Jury is out on whether I’ll go through with the half-shirt today. Guess you’ll just have to tune in tomorrow to see how that turns out.
That’s it. A whole lot of truth from the middle of nowhere.
Peace and love to you, whoever you are and wherever you are,
2 responses to “2022-08-12 Truthtelling From the Middle of Nowhere”
I care deeply about every minutia of your very being. Never think nobody cares. That is the most untrue on untruths.
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You’re very sweet. And also very right… as usual. Thanks for caring. 🥰