It feels great to be back on my elliptical machine. It was pretty depressing to be away for so long. 

The sadness and melancholy I suffered the last couple months was primarily due the big shift in my routine, but as life typically has it, the injury was not the only contributing factor to my sour mood. 

At the end of August I expressed that that entire month was pretty much shit. I had blamed Mercy in Retrograde. I also said I was looking forward to the end of that scenario and coming out of my slump. Then I fell and forgot about the rotation, orbits, and gravity of all the planets. It was as if September was destined to be just a continuation of August. Except for the six days I was on vacation, it pretty much was. More shit. 

As an independent person who recognizes that my happiness is my responsibility, I tried to fix it and pull myself up and out of the swamp. To no avail. 

Consulting my list of sadness “antidotes”, I booked a trip to Austin. Gifted myself a spa pedicure and therapeutic massage, took time out for extra self care, had several game nights with my kids, and indulged in more than one spontaneous sweet treat. https://theorganicsugarcookie.com/2023/12/23/2023-12-23-the-antidote/

Unfortunately, however, several of the items on my list were not available to me… namely writing, cardio, or clearing my calendar (cuz that’s been empty of anxiety inducing events for a while.. well except that one public appearance at the beginning of October). 

I guess my point is that I did what I could and it really didn’t help. All the while rejections were rolling in and that only makes things worse. I haven’t had an acceptance since early July and my confidence in the work and in myself waned. It was rotten enough I stopped sending work out. I just threw my hands up and said “this is insanity and I’m done.” Efff you Submittable (it’s not their fault but since they are evil, it’s ok if I blame them). 

Oh and did you know there was an election coming up? That nonsense just infuriates me. It’s one of those things that’s both almost over and never over. What trash. 

Anyway, all this adds up to a sour mood that feels unshakeable. What’s a girl to do??!! 

Time to move on to acceptance? 

Yeah, that’s where I’m at now. Or that’s where I landed a few weeks ago when I painstakingly put together and published the Autumn Issue of The Good Life Review. With that done, I slid myself into the next phase in the grief process. 

Maybe my winter hibernation started early this year, despite summer hanging on till it’s dying breath. Maybe it’s ok if I spend half the day reading a book or toggling between house chores, running errands, and cooking for myself and the fam. Maybe that’s what my role is now and I should just accept it. It’s not bad, just kind of boring and unfulfilling. 

My friend Sam says I should get a job. But the Good Life IS a job. Just not one that gives me a lot of feedback or feels. 

Despite being a record on repeat, however, I still have high hopes for November. As I said at the top of this post, I’m getting my cardio and music back. Plus I’m going to Austin in a little over a week. I’ve got lots to look forward to. 

Surely those things will pull me up. 

A girl can only hope. 

I think that’s a good place to wrap. Thanks for visiting and reading. 

Peace and love, 

~Miss SugarCookie