I had enough sleep, but I still feel tired. We had guests over to the house for dinner last night and then the kids played until about 9:30. I think sometimes stuff like that wears me out.
I’m not really keeping track but I think this is about the 5th or 6th time I’ve had some sort of meet up with this person and most of the time his daughter has also been present. There was the first bike ride with the three of us, the beach/dinner/movie day, the first meet up at my place with Z and C, and now last night which was sort of a repeat at her (his daughter’s) request. It’s all been pretty good but I’m still so on the fence about how I feel about it.
On one hand, I really like him, and her as well. He’s intelligent, good looking, fit, and seems to be pretty well rounded. His daughter is charming, has endless amounts of energy, and seems very thoughtful and sweet. It makes sense that they are spending as much time as they can together while she is here for the summer. Her mom lives in another state and when school starts he has to take her back there.
On the other hand, I’m really just lost as to how he feels about me. Our conversations have been great, the interaction with everyone has been as good as it can be, but at the end of the day, I am still left sort of wondering and due to my current insecurities and lack of confidence in the dating department any fuzziness is being interpreted negatively. I’m in a spot where it is tough for me to feel encouraged with so little feedback.
We have seen each other multiple times in the past few weeks but I question how much of that is because he wanted to and how much is for his daughters benefit. I’ve also initiated a lot of the interaction and as history has taught me, that’s not in my favor. The most I have received in the way of physical contact has been hugs hello or goodbye and there has not even been an attempt at a good-night kiss even though there have been several opportunities. My brain lingers on that one… probably too much.
If I am being perfectly honest, which is the point here you know, I actually dreamt about it last night. I rarely have dreams with people I know and I daresay I have never had a dream about someone that I really only just met. So it’s definitely a thing my mind is trying to puzzle out. Actually the dream had both him and his daughter (and Z) in it. Then later in the dream it was just him and I. I don’t put a lot of stock into what transpires in dreams, but I do tend to attach some problem that needs to be solved in the waking world. I also remember the dream, even now which is two hours after I’ve been awake. That also rarely happens.
The kids and I went through our normal morning routine and I sort of zombied my way through it. Waking up, getting breakfast going, making lunches, signing papers, and then the drive to school. That is where they are now and I am back home. I have quite a list of stuff to accomplish before Friday but no motivation whatsoever right now.
At the present moment, I’ve climbed back in my bed and have such a desire to go back to sleep. I’d like to get back to dreamland. I’d like to get just another hour or so of sleep and I’d like to wake feeling more refreshed so I can take on SOMETHING from my list. I’ll have to get up to draw the curtains closed to minimize the light if I am really going to try..
I think sometimes I loose sight of the fact that part of what I am trying to accomplish with this time off is just doing whatever I want and not worrying about everything so much. I don’t want to get to the end of my time and say “I should have slept in more”. No time like the present to remedy that. It’s the perfect morning for it.
On that note, audios for now.
Back to Dreamland,