Not sure where this should start and no clue where it might go. I sacrificed my morning cardio to be at Jim’s house to let the maintenance guy in. I worked from his house which was half Work Work and half just checking things off my personal to-do list. Both are never ending.
Now it’s afternoon and I made the command decision to stop working and get some steps in. It’s all about balance .. right?
After much consideration I’ve decided to keep considering the new contract I’ve been offered and see where that goes. It’s not a done deal anyway, just a proposal. My continued interest means I had to update and submit a new resume and I will have to do an interview with the prospective client about my role in the project. What does it say about me that thinking about it makes me both excited and sick in the stomach at the same time. What’s a girl to do?
Yesterday was chaos. I worked my tail off on the new release of the software for my current project and held a delicate balance with respect to parenting in check. I drove my Z around for about 2 hours collecting job applications at “acceptable” locations. She’s being quite picky considering it’s her first job. I elected to grab fast food which was a sacrifice so I could get back to work on several things due yesterday. No wonder many Americans are not healthy. It’s so much easier to do the drive through than it is to plan and cook. The struggle is real.
By the middle of the afternoon the fact that I had sent Matt that farewell email the day before had faded into a distant memory. Was that just yesterday or last week or a year ago? It was just a fuzzy dot that had already been filed away. I guess it goes to show that I had already come to terms with the possibility I might not get a response (or any acknowledgement). That’s a good thing.
When I checked my personal email late in the afternoon and saw that he had responded, it sort of shocked me. Even more shocking was that it wasn’t just a “got it – thanks” acknowledgement. It was a thoughtful response with words that left me in a puddle of tears sitting at my desk. They were kind words, and apologetic words, and admissions of regret. There was even a little poetry. Whoa!
He understands my request and concluded by asking if it was really “forever” or if someday we could talk again. Therein lies the question. I’m no stranger to the fact that absolutes are no good. We are advised against it in writing and as it stands to reason, it’s also a good rule for life.
After I pulled myself out of the puddle, I fashioned a brief response that left the door open for “someday”. I don’t have a crystal ball and can’t predict the future, however, I expect that IF someday ever arrives, it will be years and years from now. That’s fine. The dog is asleep now, let it be.
The whole exchange made me feel happy and satisfied. I feel more ready now than ever for whatever is next. That includes a lot of planning. Hey.. planning.. that’s right in my wheelhouse. Sometimes I like planning and making lists and preparing for things way more than the actual execution. Maybe that’s why the prospect of a new project at work is enticing. I mean yesterday I had myself all talked out of it and today I’m totally re-thinking that. It could also be that yesterday I had a hell of a work day.
Tonight after my last conference call I’ll be rushing off to another Meetup that’s been cancelled and rescheduled several times. I’m meeting up with my friend Amy for a quick catch up session. We both have lots of updates to share. Maybe after that I’ll pop over to my sisters place since I’ll be in her neighborhood. In any case, I need to unplug and unwind a little from the week of chaos I feel I have had so far this week. I’m also glad the weekend will be here soon, but I’m going to need to transition to school. The struggle never ends. 😜
That’s enough random rambling for this day.