My mind is full of random thoughts today and I’m not sure where to start or what’s worthy of words. Yesterday I was all about thinking about the languages of love and I find it ironic that words are so important to me but the category of “words of affirmation” scores so low with me. I guess that just means I think actions speak louder than words where love is concerned. Yeah that.

Wrapping up the events of the day yesterday, when Jim came home from work yesterday I came down the stairs from my office to find two bottles of wine on the counter (his white and my red) and two glasses and a gift with a card. I thought “oh no, here we go”. I thought we agreed not to exchange gifts but perhaps the gift had already been purchased. I had left the card I got him on the counter so we proceeded to open and pour a glass and open our respective things. Cards first.

After that we had a bit of a chuckle over the fact that we both went to the Dollar Tree for our respective cards. I was afraid the same would not be true for the gift. I was right.

It was a small box beautifully wrapped with red paper and a white bow. As I turned it in my hand and gave him a wry smile he said “I don’t know how this will go… it could be like the cake thing all over again”. Eeeek, that was my first clue. Sure enough it was a really fancy box inside of the box and inside that a piece of jewelry.. a necklace.

Like many girls, I wear jewelry everyday. I typically wear a necklace, a few rings, and small earrings. The jewelry I wear is very modest and quite inexpensive. That’s my style. The things I wear are dainty and either meaningful, symbolically, like the necklace I bought when I visited Stonehenge -or- as is the case for most of my earrings) from target or Walmart because I have a habit of loosing them. The point is, outside of the engagement ring I now wear, most of my jewelry cost less than like 25 bucks. Really, some of those earring sets come in packs of 6 pairs or more and are less than 10 bucks.

So when I opened the box In my head I was repeating over and over “smile and be thankful”. That’s exactly what I did. I mean we’ve had “the talk” about cut flowers and as of this week about cake as well, but we’ve never talked about jewelry. Gawd… I’m shitty at receiving gifts! 🙄

I took it out of the box and examined it (keeping a smile the entire time). He said he hadn’t seen me wear a thicker chain like that before and that the purple stone dangling from the silver chain wasnt too outrageous. He knows purple is my favorite color which he also pointed out. I smiled at him and kissed him and said “it’s a very nice necklace. Thank you”. Then I carefully placed it back in the box, just as I found it. I placed that box inside the first box and set it on the counter behind me.

We exchanged kisses and “I love yous” again and said cheers to Valentine’s Day and sipped from our glasses again. Then he went and got changed for dinner and I left the box on the counter and took my glass to my favorite room of the house to sit and sip and wait for him to join me. I think I handled that so much better than the gifting of Cake earlier in the week. 😜

At dinner he brought it up first. (I sure as hell wasnt going to bring it up again.. not anytime that night anyway). He asked me how much I think it cost. Now here is where I am quite out of my element. Guessing the price and jewelry? Since I don’t buy nice jewelry I have no idea how much nice jewelry costs and so My guess was a total wag.

He said “too low“ and then I guessed too high and then he just outright told me. I’m really not surprised, but it made me uncomfortable because it’s likely a necklace I would never wear. It’s just not me and not just because of the price, because it’s not my style. It sort of reminded me of something an old lady who is trying to impress her friends at a bridge party might wear. Yeah, not me at all. I politely told him as much (leaving out the old lady/bridge part) and said I could not quite justify spending that amount of money on something like that.

He said he appreciated the conversation and my honesty and that we would return it and look for something else. I agreed. We’ll just see it this jewelry store has something that is more my style or perhaps just return it and get the money back. I really don’t even need anything.. really. I’m sure it would be an insult if I would have said “let me take you to to super target baby so I can show you what I like”. Haha!

Later that night after we had both had too much to drink I asked him what the difference was (in his mind) between financial security and financial success. I also asked him what he really thinks about president trump, so one might guess I was fishing for a disagreement. Perhaps I was. Not sure why I would do that outside of thinking that people are typically more honest when drunk and I really wanted an honest response. Both of those conversation are worthy of blog posts of their own and I just don’t have it in me to dive into it now.

So that was my first Valentine’s Day with my fiancé and now it’s over. The only thing that remains is returning the necklace. We’ll see how that goes.

Today is Friday and for the Love of all the cinnamon apppe tea in the universe, I just need to get some serious hours logged for work. I need to find motivation. I haven’t added up my time so far this week and I’m seriously afraid of how behind I am. I asked my boss earlier this week how we might divide up some of the tasks as I was feeling like I was falling behind. His response was not awesome.

He said “I think we’re in good shape and if you need to work more hours you can”. Uhhhh, what? He’s being obtuse. I told him when I took the job that I only wanted to work 20-25 hours a week and outside of circumstances beyond my control had to boost that to 30. I’m struggling getting just 20-25 and have already sacrificed a semester of school. I can’t just “work more”. I’m not about that anymore. I need to do a better job of communicating with my bosses and they need to do a better job of communicating with each other.

Yeah, my thoughts might be scattered but there are some definite front runners. Apparently work is ALWAYS one of those things. That’s rotten. It just means I’ve got more that needs to be worked out or it wouldn’t keep rearing it’s ugly head.

What else?….

As predicted my calves are killing me and I regret that run.

Jim keeps putting off planning trips and that’s irritating.

My house inspection was this week and now I have a list of shit that they think needs fixed and it makes no sense to me why those things never came up on my home inspection 3 years ago if they are so damn important.

I miss my kids and my Z keeps lamenting about wishing she was here with me.

The winter is too long and I’m sick of cold and snow.

Adjusting to this new living situation is a struggle.

Despite my only working part time, I’m still not making any progress on my reading and writing and that’s frustrating. Ugh!!

FitBit tells me I’m one day away from getting my Period and it couldn’t come soon enough. My mood swings and irrational thoughts have really gotten the best of me this week and it’s a shame. I keep thinking “wait a few days and if it’s still that important, then do something about it.” Hopefully by Monday I’ll be on the other side of this and be able to sort it all out.

That’s it for today. That’s enough. Really enough.

🤔🙄😏🤷‍♀️

~Miss SugarCookie