2020-04-03 Nebraska Kind of Moody

Two days ago it was 70 degrees and sunny. This morning I woke up to sleet and a fresh layer of snow on the ground. That’s spring In Nebraska and those wild swings kind of remind me of my mood these days.

Yesterday was another really rough day. There were so many different interconnected factors at work it’s hard to separate and pin down the culprit. I mean when you can’t tell what’s a cause and what’s an effects it’s maddening. And this morning, despite the fact that I’m feeling better, I’m still very much trying to puzzle it out.

But can I puzzle it out without being dragged back down in the mud? Or should I just let it all go and think about what things I have to look forward to today? I suppose the answer lies in whatever is going to make me continue to feel better and like it or not, that’s probably a rehash.

First, the obvious which is the virus. I’ve written a little bit about listening to the news and how it just makes me want to cry. Literally. The last 3 days in a row I’ve asked Alexa for the news and it has left me standing in my kitchen in tears. The answer could be to put myself in a bubble and not listen to the news. It’s an option. But then I think that the crying is just a release that my body and mind need. That it’s cleansing and good.

I also think that there are times that I’m more prone to this spontaneous emotional outpour than others. My period is officially like 4 days late now and PMS is for real yo. I keep thinking that I just need to recognize that and ride it out. When it happens, that too is a release. I will naturally feel better.

The second time I cried was at lunchtime. I had worked for a couple of hours and a minor headache had turned into a migraine (which is also more frequent this time of the month). I had taken some meds but was still feeling incredibly nauseous. Then I read an email that said the governor of Nebraska had declared that schools would not re-open this school year and the students would not make up the time.

It hit me. Hard.

I guess I had this tiny sliver of hope that things would take a turn for the better soon and my kids would get to yet see their friends before summer. Not to mention my daughter getting to have her senior prom and graduation. My heart just sank.

At that moment I walked into the kitchen and Jim had arrived home for lunch. I read him the email and then just burst into tears again. He tried to console me, like a good man. I took the hug and kind words and then retreated to the bedroom to lay down and try to let the medicine work on my head.

The migraine did, eventually, disperse. Albeit slowly. By 2pm I was feeling a bit better and was going to take Jim’s advice and get fresh air by going for a drive. The “drive” was to the pharmacy to get my son’s prescription. In route though I was called back home by an urgent work message.

Some security thing I needed to help with. An employee being let go and my needing to revoke their access to our ticket system. That was followed by an impromptu team meeting where we were told what had happened. Just like that, a guy looses his job. Not sure what to make if that.

Anyway, I didn’t do much work yesterday and, to be fair, I didn’t have a huge problem letting that go and forgave myself for it pretty easily.

I had other things to attend to. Namely my children and the home-schooling situation. So far this week that’s been a huge fail and I was in no mood to tolerate a dismissive “I’ll do it later” attitude. I laid down the law. And finally got some traction.

I mean, my son was taking advantage all week of my working and not having time to get him up and constantly check in. Yesterday he was still lounging in bed with his phone at 3 in the freaking afternoon. I was so angry.

I might have raised my voice, but he heard me. And the only push back I got was when I tried to explain what he had done wrong answering the questions for the math assignments. His grief was more about having to do it over again than anything. Today is the first quiz from home and I want him to go into it knowing how to solve the problems.

After geometry it was AP world history, English, and physical science. I let him let intro to business and marketing go until today. And PE.

Today is fitness Friday when his PE assignment is “due”. I’m a big believer that the physical activity is so good for you and he doesn’t do enough, he’s gonna be sorry he procrastinated when he wakes to find the snow on the ground and the temps hovering in the 20s. He could have done the activity 2 days ago when it was 70, but nope.

All that home-school stuff continued through dinner and into to evening. And for the second night in a row, I sank down on the couch to watch one episode of “Tiger King” before going to bed.

Today I was awake early again (5am) and it’s now almost 7. It’s pretty sad that one of the things I’m looking forward to today is taking a shower. I’m also hoping today is the day I will finally get my flow. I’ve cried enough already. Good grief!! The question is: Should I wait until that happens before I listen to the news? 🤔

In any case, I gotta go get breakfast started.

Cheers to Better Days and Fridays!

~Miss SugarCookie

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