2020-04-04 Much Needed Relief

Somehow yesterday, even as I was lamenting the shit show my week had been, I knew that relief was on the way. I’m not sure if I had this notion because I knew it was Friday AND my period just had to start or if it was just that after several days of rotten strung together like bad sausage, there was bound to be a good one. You know, balance and all that.

Right now, today, it doesn’t matter. It’s Saturday and I’m in my happy place again. The house is still sleeping and I’m getting some steps in.

But I don’t want to dismiss yesterday so quickly, you know, give credit where credit is due. Yes, I finally had day 1 of my cycle and it was like a huge hormone shift. Whether it was the stress of waiting that was lifted or an actual chemical re-balance, I felt the actual shift in my body and mind.

I also had a friend reach out to check in on me randomly. It’s a person who I see maybe once a quarter for a lunch and they just opened a conversation with “hi”. We ended up doing a video chat and it was nice to see a friendly face. He had some good advice about happiness too which was something I know in my heart to be true, but had forgotten while mired in my own self-pitying mood.

It was about paying it forward and remembering that Even if I can’t help millions of people who are suffering, I can help a few and I just need to focus on them. Do one thing to brighten someone else’s day or volunteer in some way and it will make me feel better. It is with that spirit that I say “Thanks Vis, it was great to see you! I appreciate you and your words and kindness”

If you’re following along you might know that Alexa has nothing but bad news these days (unless you ask her for good news), but yesterday there was an encouraging story about how CO2 emissions of the planet are lower now than they have been in a long time. And while we know this will likely be short-lived, scientists are gathering data. It’s evidence that we need to make changes for alternate energy sources (which we already knew) but some people refuse to believe. We can make changes that make a difference for the environment. We can!! It’s hopeful.

Yes, the global economy is in the toilet, but once this pandemic is over we will have gathered enough proof to perhaps convince those nay-sayers to support change. It could be a pipe dream you know. I know that. The almighty dollar is loud and will climb back on its throne again when this is all over. The people who stand for that will still publicly refuse to back alternate energy (and other planet saving efforts). But a girl can dream you know.

Anyway, it was good news yesterday instead of bad. That was a sign.

By yesterday afternoon, I was wrapping up my work week and can now see the rebalance happening there too. I’m shifting into a supporting role. Finally. Next week there are lots of discussions I’m in but I don’t have to facilitate. I just have to bring my brain and my note taking and documentation abilities.

For school, my thesis is finally in good shape. The preface is done and feedback on part of the manuscript is still pending but somehow I feel better about that too. I should get that this weekend and be able to make changes for the April 12 deadline for my 4th and final packet of the semester. Which is also my final packet In the program. Yeah, that’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it. I can feel the light of it warm my skin.

And spring is right around the corner too. The early daffodils are up and the iris are all busting through the earth. The flowers don’t care about a pandemic. They will not be denied their day in the sun!

What else? Oh the lit-mag saga. I had my undies in a bunch about several frustrating occurrences this week and last night I think I came to some internal resolution on how to handle the situation. The conversation that needs to happen with my “co-founder” is scheduled for Tuesday and I just need to pump myself up to say what I need to say. I admit some of my angst is self imposed. I get paranoid and irritated and there’s a part of that which comes from my own insecurities. I realize that.

Some of it, however, is real and those are the things I need to address. It’s a roles and responsibilities thing. It’s a funny money thing, but with titles. That’s all I’m gonna say until next Tuesday when I hope it all gets sorted and finalized.

Again, I recognize that part of my resolution and relief comes from internal factors. I’ve found a kind of peace with myself on several fronts and that’s key. Now I’m not saying it won’t turn on a dime and grow fangs again, because that’s human nature. But whatever good feeling I’m having, I will take it today.

and with that, my hour is up. I’ve got to get this Saturday party started. Lots to do and it feels good to be feeling good about it!

Cheers to the a Weekend,

~Miss SugarCookie

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