2020-09-22 The Benzo Trap

How do I feel about benzodiazepines? The title says it but doesn’t do justice for calling it out as the devils candy that it is. It’s evil.

It’s a quick fix. An over prescribed band-aid which might have valid clinical use in a limited capacity for something, but not sleep. I’ll skip most of the backstory cuz that’s old news. All you really need to know is that I was taking it (started taking it) for sleep issues. And kept taking more and more “as needed.” Which is a dangerous way to give direction with a drug that has physical addiction properties.

I weened off of it really slowly, because the side effects of not taking it were terrible. I’ve heard people say that the withdrawal experienced is different for everyone. For me, it was this fucked up feeling in my head and an inability to focus. Oh, and I also my teeth hurt. Which was so bizarre but now that I know that it’s connected, It’s a classic tell. Which is to say, that I’m still experiencing these things to some degree now and again. Seems to be exacerbated by stress.

Yesterday was rotten. Which is why I’m writing this today. It’s been 27 days since the last dose (which was a tiny sliver of the prescribed amount) and I’m still feeling the side effects. It’s such a trap.

I started taking it for sleep issues and then kept taking it just to feel normal. When your brain is tricked into thinking “just a little dose and you can feel better” .. that’s when you know you are caught in a trap.

I mean, I’ve never been addicted to any drug before so I had no idea. And I’m sure it’s small potatoes compared to the heavy hitters, but it doesn’t mean that what I’m experiencing isn’t that bad.

My internist tells me it takes up to 6 weeks for that shit to clear the systems of the body. So I’m over half way there but good-freaking-gravy!! Just evil.

I was originally thinking I’d be right as rain by September. Then the step down was so slow that I wasn’t able to cut it completely until the end of August. So the new done-done looks like it’s going to be October.

Like I said, yesterday I was stressed. I felt my classic teeth hurting by 8:30 am, before I even started working. Then I had to endure all day through trying to get things done. Then, as if to add insult to injury, I could not sleep.

I had a flair up of allergies and was very congested. I ended up taking a Doxylamine succinate which did the trick eventually. But wow.. I did seriously consider the Xanax. Incredible!

Today is a new day and I’m glad I did not cave. And so far so good on the symptoms. My teeth don’t hurt and my head feels ok. My hormones are still bonkers but that’s a whole different story. 😜

The countdown is still on.. 7 more work days (if I don’t end up working the weekend again). Hopefully there will be no lingering side effects of quitting THAT! And when it’s done, it’s truly done done!

That’s it for today’s benzo/sleep/mental health update. Time to get to work.

Happy Taco Tuesday,
~Miss SugarCookie

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