No surprise this weeks posts are full of anxiety and thoughts about coping with things out of control. I might have previously professed that my aim is to steer clear of political conversation but it’s all but impossible, I’m afraid. I had a sliver of hope that yesterday would bring some relief, but still we wait.

None of what transpired yesterday is a surprise. Nor is the fact that we got our margaritas on, sat and talked with the TV on mute, and went to bed early. Actually I was the only one who went to bed early. Jim stayed up chatting with his best friend and maintained, even as I was calling it quits, that he thought a winner was going to be declared before the night was out. I knew better.

Whatever happens I will breathe and say, “this too shall pass.” Or maybe “things change, but they always stay the same.”

My friend Tre sent an article on a group text yesterday that was a well written account of the becoming of the song “America the Beautiful.” In it was the description of the life of the two women who wrote the original poem.

The poem I have researched but the story of the writer(s) was new to me. The article also included accounts of the conflicts in America in the time the two women lived, taught, and traveled. It was arguably just as divided and tumultuous as today’s times. The history of our beautiful country is storied and long and some of what I read yesterday was shocking and downright disturbing.

Indigenous people on display in cages at a fair and African Americans posed in displays depicting slavery. These details aren’t something they teach in public school. They should. It was also not that long ago in the grand scheme.

To wake up today to the President declaring himself the victor before all the votes are counted and indicating he would bring a case of voter fraud to the Supreme Court means the outcome of the election could be hanging in the balance for a long while. We don’t need this.

The American people are sick, and worn out from all the upheaval in our lives this year. I can’t even count on all my fingers and toes the events that have contributed to the current climate that has us all on the edge. We don’t need more drama. Good grief!

Still, we are to go about our days, and continue to persevere. And that’s what we do, the best we can anyway.

Today I’ve got another full day planned and hope that I can get a quarter of the tasks on the agenda completed.

Last night was the 6th night in A row I had less than 6 hours of sleep. Also noteworthy is that I’m waking up with a headache more days than not and that’s concerning. I think it’s time to go dry for a while again and see if that helps. I mean, it’s not like I drink a lot, but perhaps my body just can’t take it at all and the headaches are it’s way of letting me know.

I went dry in June and it was the easiest part of the changes I was trying to impose in my behavior then. Now I’m completely free of the benzodiazepines, I’ll be interested to see if cutting alcohol will be as easy as it was that month.

It’s November 4th so it’s a good day to start. 😉

This month I actually engaged in two new endeavors already.

The first I’ve talked about. Recording my stats and sharing them with my friend for accountability. We’re keeping track on how we do on sleep, eating, exercise, and productivity. Those are my measures anyway. She’s keeping track with slightly different measures, but we have to be our own evaluator. We share our numbers for the week on Sunday. Last Sunday was our first week.

The second thing I’m doing, which coincides well with the first is something called “breakfast club.” The spin is having a protein shake for breakfast each day, which for me is more like “brunch” as I don’t really eat breakfast. And then eat whatever you want the rest of the day. Of course my overall goal is to have at least 30% of my calories from protein a day so eating “whatever” the rest of the day isn’t exactly going to work.

In order to know if I’m meeting my goal, I have to count calories. Which means putting the info in an app. I’ve done this several times before in my life and let me tell you, they (the app people) are making this easier and easier. Now I just scan barcodes and they already have zillions of foods in their database and “waa-laa” instant data entry.

There are some things that need to be added manually, like the Little King ham and Swiss sandwich I had last week, but most things I eat are in the database. I’m using FitBit of course because I’m a Fitbit fan girl.

My consumption this week has not been great so far. Things start off good with the protein shake but all the choices after that have been less than desirable. Including the margaritas. Today I’m gonna do better.

Because it’s November 4th so it’s a good day to start.

What else?

Oh, the assistant to the program coordinator for my MFA program sent me an email yesterday requesting an updated description for the lecture I have to give in December. Oops.

I could say I forgot about it but the truth is it has been on my list for weeks (ummmm … months) and I’ve been procrastinating.

I just typed the words “I’ve been” and the sentence completion word suggestion from Evernote was the word “Procrastination.” 🤣 That’s so classic I can’t even.

That’s when you know you’re a broken record. When the app you are typing in knows what you are going to type before you do. Ha!

I should just set my phone on autopilot and let Evernote finish this post.

But it doesn’t know the wrap-up. The bit that’s going to connect the dots and reveal that I’m just a microcosm of America. A body that tries to change but somehow always stays the same. An body struggling with conflict and internal division. A body with a storied past and a predictable future.

A body waiting to exhale.

With Peace, Love, and Patience,
~Miss SugarCookie