2020-12-26 Soooo Ready

Having recently run out of episodes of my favorite, albeit old news, comedy series on Hulu, The Mindy Project, I had stopped watching anything altogether. 

It was the one show I watched alone. You know, folding laundry or eating lunch by myself on weekdays. All the other shows we watch, we watch as a couple in the evenings. The Crown, Lost in Space, Mandelorian, Umbrella Academy, and we just started Breaking Bad which is a show that I’m apparently the last person on the planet to watch. 

Anyway so I ran out of episodes on my one show. So I’ve been eating at my desk working on other stuff and folding laundry just standing there with the solo sound of gears turning up in my own head. Until this past week. When I rediscovered the Bachelor. 

Normally part of the appeal of this show is just being a part of the buzz while the show is unfolding on live TV. All those rose ceremony addicts and the girls fueled by drama and tears of some complete strangers’ crazy lives. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m one of those. 

I also love seeing alll the pretty dresses and cute outfits and hot bodies. I mean, they don’t pick ugly people to be on the show. The bomb first dates and glimpses into some primo vacation destinations is not bad either. So I started watching another season despite the fact that I’m pretty sure it’s all old news. 

This elaborate explanation reveals a piece of me, Miss SugarCookie, and my character and habits. But it’s also the setup for what I really want to write about today which is kicking 2020 out the proverbial door. So ready to be done with the nonsense that this year brought to the world. And mine. 

It was supposed to be the BEST year of my life. I was to get married to the man of my dreams, whichI still did, followed by the most badasss honeymoon ever, which we also did. It all went to shit shortly after that with the onset of the pandemic. 

No prom for my daughter, no graduation, no big grad party here at the house. She was robbed of lots of experiences she was supposed to have in that last semester of her senior year. Instead she retreated deeper into the shell of her bedroom. And frankly was seriosly affected by the isolation. Physically and mentally. 

Our “graduation gift,” that was a trip to San Fran to go to a Fall Out Boy concert was cancelled. Well, postponed, so they are holding our money hostage. As is the airline as those tickets were turned into virtual cash to be used on a future flight. No summer trip. 

No trips requiring flight anyway. No Austin, no San Francisco or San Diego. No fall trip to the northeast or anyplace tropical. We did drive to Colorado twice though. Once with my darling daughter, as a mother daughter make-up trip to sub for the Cali trip and to cheer her up. The second was just Jim and I when we really needed a couples only weekend. 

What else? Oh, I was supposed to graduate too. A summer residency at the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City with some of my newest favorite peeps. Sitting out on the back deck and sipping a drink and listening to stories. Followed by wearing cute dresses to present my lecture and give my graduation reading. Not to mention actual graduation. 

I elected to defer graduation until Winter, holding onto hope that the Covid would have run its course and we would have “flattened the curve” enough to get back in person. 

You guys remember that? When flattening the curve was all the rage. Where we listened to the news every day to see what havoc was happening in every state and when toilet paper and hand sanitizer suddenly became the hot commodities? Feels so long ago. 

No graduation for me and the changes in everyday routine things started to take a toll too. No Jazzercise. No coffee or lunch meetups. I mean, I still did some of those things (except the Jazzercise), but to a much lesser extent. The isolation kind of got to me too. 

Having my kids do virtual school was rough too. Ramping up to near full time at work also pushed me to an edge. It doesn’t matter how much I like to work.. it was a  painful project. They made quitting fairly easy.

Did I mention the habitual use of benzodiazepines to help with sleep that wrecked me for several months. I realized I had to change that the day I realized that my substance abuse was sort of out of control. Too much drinking, caffeine, and said sleep aids. I tried to cut cold turkey in May or June and totally wrecked myself. 

I subsequently came down slow, on doctors orders, and that took like 5 months. No joke. 

By the end of August I was off the meds but still feeling the withdrawal for about 6 mire weeks. By the end of September I was done done with my day job too. By the end of October I was finally feeling better. But the emotional mood swings and situational depression persisted. 

I wanted to drive to Austin for the election but was so down (and was sick that week) so it didn’t happen. I let go of it ok, but also had to let go of hope that I could graduate in person. Things are going to be virtual next week and it’s not fine but what can I do? 

I’ve known a few people who had Covid but everyone came out ok, albeit rather worse for wear in some cases. My immediate family has not been affected, miraculously, though my son had quarantine at his dads house for two weeks. My kids grandparents on their dads side  both had it but recovered. 

They (my kids) lost a grandparent anyway to Cancer. A speedy decline that was invisible to us until like the last two weeks of her life. They were not close to that grandparent (nor was I)  which is actually a blessing at this time. 

All of this is pretty character revealing too, right, but it’s just another setup. Because what I really want to write about today is all the things I was able to let go of in 2020. Things I would call successful little revelations. 

Like not caring about my hair and letting it grow really long. And also not seeing my esthetician since like January has led to the conclusion that I don’t need to wax my female bits anymore. After doing that for 10 years, there’s not much left. And what is there is completely personally manageable. No more $$$ going out the door for that or nail care. I can do that myself too. 

My skin is great thanks to my man bringing home great products and also not needing a shower every day. Usually winter brings seriously dry skin but so far this year has been great. 

What else? There has to be more but with all the meandering I’ve run out of time. 

Normally I would wait till January to reminisce and recap but I’m just so over 2020. 

Hey 2021!… The bar is really low, let’s GO!!’ 

Peace, 

~Miss SugarCookie

PS. The featured image is a glass ornament my darling daughter made for me. It says “2020 In Case of Emergency Break Glass” and is full of tiny little toilet paper rolls. So clever!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s