You know that saying?.. How does it go?.. “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
It’s something like that.
Well… fuck that saying. There is absolutely nothing good I have to say about this situation with my mother but I’m done being the good daughter. At least here in my own private Universe that’s completely open for the entire Universe to read/translate/interpret and judge. I don’t care.
She’s stepping on my last nerve and what can I do because she’s the cancer patient who just had major surgery. Anything I say and do that’s not good-daughterly will be perceived poorly. I’ll be marked as a horrible human being for life.
The truth is I’m just tired because I didn’t sleep well and had bad dreams. She’s called me and texted and texted and called. I know I threw myself into work today and tried to ignore my own irritation. Eventually I made my way to the hospital, timing it so that I’d only be able to stay an hour.
I know. I need examples to back me up. Ok.
She literally called me because she was done with her breakfast and the nurse call button had fallen out of her reach and she wanted the number to call the unit to get someone to come to her aid.
To do what? Take her tray away? To fluff her pillow? To move her chapstick a little closer? Put the water jug out of view because she hates drinking water and seeing it is making her upset?
It must be tough being seriously OCD and having everything outside your control. Let me tell you it’s also difficult being on the receiving end of all that neediness.
Ok. Maybe she really needed something. Pain meds maybe. But yesterday she complained they were pushing too many meds into her and she was confident that all that was keeping her from feeling better.
She’s called a second time because the hospital kitchen doesn’t have the “pink” packets of sweetener. She absolutely can’t drink tea without that. And nothing else tastes right and she doesn’t want to put my sister out of her way to run by the house or go to the grocery.
So why is she calling ME? It’s ok to put me out?
All I wanted to do this afternoon was take a nap so I could be fresh for a little quality time with my husband tonight. But that didn’t happen. Because she called again, just as I was drifting off. This time it was to let me know she was being discharged tomorrow. Way ahead of schedule, might I add.
It’s great news she’s doing well enough to go home so soon but at that moment all I could think was “there goes my Thursday.” I’m a terrible person.
I made sure she knew I was trying to nap.
I followed that by texting minutes later that she should think about a grocery list so we could have the things at the house she wanted when she gets home.
In the weeks and days leading up to the surgery she knew she would not be home for a while so she used up or threw out anything that would go bad. In her own words there is nothing left she would want when she gets home. So I’m just trying to be proactive.
She texts she needs a bag of ice, milk, and New York style vanilla ice cream specifically from Family Fare. That’s it.
No.. that’s not it. I remember this rodeo. Every time someone shows up at her house she’ll act like she’ll die if she doesn’t get what she’s craving. This results in another trip to the grocery every day (or Panera or Taco John’s, or Qdoba, or McCallister’s deli).
She’ll remember the rodeo too and the bar has already been set. I swear I’m not going to the grocery store unless I get a full list to stock her refrigerator and pantry. 🙄
My sister just texted me about the artificial sugar drama and said she’s also “not ready for this.”
I know it’s expensive in the hospital but couldn’t they keep her for a few more days like they promised. 🤣
That’s probably enough of a rant for one day.