2018-06-11 Late Starts

My typical routine is to get up and get my gym time in early and write all about what’s in my brain from my beloved elliptical machine. It seems like when that doesn’t happen, I’m never able to fit it in later in the day. Life gets busy and there’s just no other good time for me to sit down at my laptop and write. If I sit down at my laptop, chances are I’ll be working.

It’s kinda funny because in the past when I blogged everyday (before I started again in 2017), I used to only be able to write just before bed. I’d be completely done with my day and grab my laptop and get in bed and that’s when I’d start. The end result of that was that most of what I wrote was an account of what happened during that day. And I think it was often shorter because sleep was always knocking on my door. Matt always.. ALWAYS saw me doing that and suggested I write in the mornings instead. He also suggested I start a blog critiquing cheeseburgers around town. I guess I’ve taken him up on both those suggestions. Not that I would ever bring that up when I see him again (tomorrow) because it’s not just cheeseburgers here, you know, it’s everything in my head including my thoughts on him and us and how he wrecked everything.

I’ve never been so direct before, but if you’ve read some of the early 2017 posts tagged with “relationship”, it’s likely been implied. What’s probably also been implicit and explicit along the way is that I still have feelings for him. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that it is unavoidable or inevitable or something like that. Even in the glow of new love, it has not disappeared. Five+ years of loving someone doesn’t dissolve into nothing. Damn.

Several weeks ago when he reached out to me to see if I wanted to have a Meetup I agreed. Call it curiosity or an experiment on the workings of the human heart or whatever, but I was compelled to accept. Being busy and somewhat disinterested when that day arrived made me cancel. Guilt made me reschedule. And now we have lunch set for tomorrow. 🙄 whatever.

Today I’m getting a late start to my gym time and consequently also my blog. This morning I had to pack up all the shit I took to JS’s house last week and move it all back to my house. After that, as it happens, I had to get some work done so it was delayed more. Now I’ve finally arrived and I am trying to get into my groove.

Something has been off with me for a few days now.. low energy, very sleepy, lack of focus and, being quite frank, I’m also late for my period by by about 3 days. It’s like my whole system is on pause. I don’t need to be concerned about potential babies (according to JS), so it’s something else. What IT is, I’m not sure, but it’s terrible timing. There’s never a good time but if things went according to schedule I’d be over and done with all that mess by the time I fly to Nashville this week.

Now, instead, I will probably start the day before and then have to deal with that traveling. As if the anxiety of flying and meeting my bosses and co-workers for the first time isn’t enough. Gawd!

It’s now about 3 in the afternoon all this late start business has me feeling off and I’m going to give up and go back home. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be back on track.

Over It and Out,

~Miss SugarCookie

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