I’m walking on the treadmill again.. because it is one thing in my life I can control. So much is out of control right now. I remind myself daily that I’m doing the best I can under the circumstances. I have to try and focus on positive things and enjoy the small victories.
Today fell flat after a hopeful beginning. Somehow the hours all slipped by and I feel as though I have nothing to show for the time. Some things are intangible, though, like the fact that I took my daughter out to lunch and helped her sort out a frustrating situation with one of her classes. And I responded to an email from my sons English teacher who was notifying me of his growing list of missing assignments and his lack of participation in class lately. And made sure he knew I was communicating with her and that there would be consequences if he didn’t get on it this week.
I also did some chores but still feel like all that doesn’t amount to enough, given the number of hours I had to get things done.
Why am I so hard on myself? Good gravy!
I took a shower and that should be counted as an accomplishment. Right??!!
I’m can feel sadness about not being in Austin this week creeping in. But there’s no way I could have made that drive with Z and this head cold and anxiety about the Covid.
What else can I control right now? To make me feel better? What I’m eating and drinking. Stay on track with my plan to adopt healthy habits. My hair. Yeah.. I can control my hair which looks great today (thanks to the shower). Caring for my people.. I can do that, mostly. I can’t be held responsible for their mood or happiness but I can make sure they have what they need.
That’s why I made a special trip to Wal-Mart today to get the Lactaid which was completely out at the market this morning. I also got some real Sudafed for this stupid congestion. If I can get this cold under control I’ll feel better.
A good night sleep would also be fucking fantastic. I’ve slept less than 6 hours a night for the past 4 nights. And it’s been ages since I had a full 7 hours. Still.. I’m not wanting to take anything OTC or prescription to help me. I’m just not.
In other news, I’ve spent the last 3 days editing a personal essay I wanted to submit to a publication and the deadline was today. It’s so close to being ready and has taken a lot of effort as essays are not something I’ve worked on for submission before. While all these gazillions of blog posts are also personal essays, they are not “literary” and serve a different purpose.
This essay I’m working on is something I wrote shortly after my 3rd official residency in my MFA program. The focus of the essay is the concept of patriotism and I’m revisiting it because it seems like a good fit for the publication I found via submittable. it’s so close to what I would consider done.
This morning I realized the window for that platform was closed. So I guess I’ll keep that little nugget filed away in my virtual desk drawer for another day. Maybe missing the opportunity to submit that is what set my day on the wrong path. After that I basically said “effff it.”
I’ll get back on that horse tomorrow.
I’ll get on more of all the things and stuff I didn’t do today… tomorrow.
So Bananas. 🍌🍌🍌