My husband Jim had said several days ago that I should “wait a week” and see how I feel. Ok.
Two nights ago I talked with him again and he’s come around to my line of thinking. He said that he will support me in my decision to see a counselor/therapist. Honestly, I don’t even know the difference between a counselor and a therapist but it might not matter. Does it matter? I guess the bigger question now is who.
I mentioned previously that I have friends that see people and have had good experiences with them so that is the most logical place to start. One of those folks lives far away and so her person is probably out as I believe I am in need of some real, face-to-face conversation. Another friend who is local told me about her person and that is definitely a viable option. I found her practice on the internet last night and sent an inquiry via email. We’ll see where that goes.
This morning I told Jim at breakfast that I was also discontinuing use of the thyroid medication. Yes, it was prescribed by a physician based on lab tests (a slightly low Free Triodothyronine), but my lab level was soooo borderline that he (Jim) had originally discouraged me from taking it. He had said to try just the testosterone for now and see if that has any positive effect first, before adding a second variable into the mix. But I was so desperate to get some relief from my chronic symptoms, I didn’t care. The thyroid med seemed (on paper) to be the perfect pairing and would zero in on some of the lethargy I constantly feel. Plus boost my metabolism which also sounded super enticing because I have also been dealing with weight gain lately.
So why stop? Well, I didn’t exactly tell Jim “you were right” and he didn’t exactly say back to me “I told you so” but in a roundabout way, that’s it. I have been feeling different and in some ways it is good but in others it is worse and damnit if it is tough to know if it is the testosterone or the thyroid. One clue is likely the changes in my body temperature. That’s something I don’t remember feeling the last time I tried the testosterone so I’m fairly confident the heat I’m feeling is from the thyroid med.
I’m a little bit in denial that that temperature issue could be a pre-menopause, hot flash thing. I still don’t think I am there yet. In my heart I believe that because I was such a late bloomer as far as puberty is concerned that my body clock is just slow and that all that “change” nonsense will not happen for me for a while. In fact, my lab tests do show that to be the case as my girlie hormones are still right where they would be for a woman who is still technically able to bear children.
The last lab test I had indicated that now that same lab is high. So maybe I should not discontinue taking it but reduce the dose?? That is something I’m going to continue to think about but one thing I do know for certain is that I’m not going back to that doctor. I really did not like him and the only reason I went there was because there are very few places in town that do testosterone therapy on women. My fall back is to go to my OBGYN who also does it. It has been a while since I’ve gone there anyhow so I’m probably overdue for my annual visit.
Anyway, that’s where things stand for my physical and mental health and no matter what, I think doing “something” and not “nothing” actually also makes me feel better. Like I’m trying to take control of things, even if a lot of it feels very outside of my control.
When Jim originally told me to “wait a week” all I could think about was that a week from then, I was going to be getting on a plane to go to Austin and of course.. OF COURSE.. that would make me feel better. I’m not going to do house chores for 5 days AND I get to hang out with my bestie and walk her property which is peaceful and calming and have a total spa day that she has planned for us at some fancy retreat sort of a place. It will be like taking a girls trip but we are actually just staying at her place. It’s been my home away from home for years and I’ve missed going because of the pandemic and also because of all the other changes in my life the last couple of years.
Today, after I’m satisfied with this “me” time I’m going to turn my attention to the lit mag. We are getting ready to release our 5th issue and our arts and crafts person has been busy putting together the full issue. I do the pages in wordpress and she has final say on the artwork and then puts all the content together in a stunning PDF. If at all possible, I would like to get it wrapped up and released into the wild world before I leave for Texas next Tuesday. I think it is totally possible as long as we are able to collaborate on the finishing touches and she’s satisfied with the final product. Fingers crossed.
On that note.. It is time to wrap this up and get to work.
With sugar and spice and everything nice,