Miss SugarCookie

Hey there!

This stream of consciousness is intended to be an unfiltered account of my journey to fight my way to a healthier, happier life. One day at a time, one step at a time, one organically-grown-emotionally-raw blog post at a time…

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2020-12-25 Merry Efffin Christmas

It’s a mood. It’s not necessarily a bad mood or a good mood. It’s just a mood. Christmas. Whatever. Yesterday I kinda said efff it to stuff and did what I wanted. I had said previously that what would be good was a repeat of thanksgiving. Just us here at the house having fun. No…
2020-12-24 A Perfect 4

I haven’t put on a dress in a while, but I’m pretty sure size 4 is still what would fit best. On a scale from 0-10, pretty sure my poetry is a 4 too. At least based on all these rejections. Another one popped into my in-box this morning. Like hello… merry fucking Christmas to…
2020-12-24 It’s Always the Eve of Tomorrow

Christmas Eve today. On one hand it’s all just fine. I have everything I need here. My people, love, nourishment, warmth, opportunity, and am looking forward to tomorrow and the adventures we will find there. On the other hand, it just doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like Christmas or the cusp of another residency…
2020-12-23 Missing Christmas

Today I’m thinking about how in life, sometimes, not always, you get what you give. There have been times in my life where I apparently had nothing but time. Scrapbooks, photo albums, hand crafted Christmas cards, and all manner of hand written letters. Who remembers hand written letters? What a wonderful thing to go to…
2020-12-20 Stand in the Mirror and Wait for Feedback

Sunday again. Lacking sleep again. Still working on that lecture. On and on. I’m trying not to freak out. You know, but there’s so much to do. Res. GLR. Christmas. Bills. You know I’ve got bills that are like 60 days past due and I can’t even begin. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.…
2020-12-19 Christmas is Slithering Near

See what I did there? Oh last night I just got seriously smashed. I mean, it doesn’t take much these days. A half a bottle of my favorite red wine, Jam Jar, which is sweet and goes to my head almost immediately. But its sweetness also probably contributes to the midnight wake up with a…
2020-12-18 Time Doesn’t Give a Reason

It just runs and rolls and takes the days away. Years lost inside fragments of fractured mirrors or broken bottle glass strewn across the lawn, bits so small and clustered they look like the tee-box of hole nine. You know the one. Hard as hell to hit from because of the stampede of cottonwood trees…
2020-12-17 One Way to Save a Life

It’s December 17 again. I see the calendar and think, “This day again.” We all have them. A day in time, a date on the calendar we recognize immediately, a date that takes us back to the past. We may have several, but for me, December 17 will always be a day that gives me…
2020-12-15 Smile and Wave

Apparently that all I have to offer today. I woke up feeling pretty good and motivated to get lots of stuff done. I spent too much time yesterday being angry or sad and felt as though the 3+ hours I spent in CB were just hours that I could otherwise have been productive. I’m over…
2020-12-14 What is Above and Below the Fold

You’ll never know because I’ll never remember. When I wrote this morning.. I wrote for an hour. Something about a procrastinations and lists that somehow led to writing about sharing my poetry with Jim, even the ones covering topics that might not be to his taste or worse, make him uncomfortable. Blah-blah, woof-woof, and then…
2020-12-14 Never 🚫 Ever 🚫 Use Evernote 🚫 Ever!!🚫

No no no no no NO NO NO!! I’ve just lost an hour of writing due to a glitch in the Evernote app so this is the LAST note I will ever type using it. Last time this happened, I vowed that if it ever happened again, I was done. I’m so mad I could…
2020-12-13 “We Will Send a Car to Find You…

… if you ever lose your way.” Last night I took my FitBit off because I went to bed somewhat early and realized that text messages buzzing my wrist were keeping me from precious sleep. Consequently I have no idea how long I was asleep or what my sleep score was. I know I put…