Miss SugarCookie

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This stream of consciousness is intended to be an unfiltered account of my journey to fight my way to a healthier, happier life. One day at a time, one step at a time, one organically-grown-emotionally-raw blog post at a time…

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2020-12-12 Poetic Rejection

I woke up at 4:30. Wrote a reply to Mr. SCC, feeling enough time had passed and some response was the best course. If only I could say what I want without giving the wrong impression. And why I worry about that is mysterious to me. I’m my own worst conundrum. I went back to…
2020-12-10 Musing from Inside the Promethean Gap

Is it wrong to approach the world, tentative and wanting? Believing in good intentions and people? That we’re all just stuck here temporary and harmless, abandoned on a mysterious spiral arm of stars? Is it wrong to believe in the power of human connection, however small. The innocence of it. The delicate nature of trust.…
2020-12-09 Random Sign from the Universe?… 🅾️🔀⚛️

I pulled the day behind me yesterday as I tried to get all the things done. But it was just a screen built to protect me from the rampant procrastination coursing my Veins. Arteries too. Today, I think, will be more of the same. I need a serious check-it-before-you-wreck-it plan. Emails piling up, bills piling…
2020-12-08 Unfamiliar Territory

I went to the lake yesterday. I kept my plans and overcame whatever it was that separates people who need each other. Or rather, whatever it is that keeps me from keeping to my word or from doing something that feels so foreign. Is it fear? Am I afraid of what can happen? All the…
2020-12-07 I’ve Got Crocodiles Now

I don’t have much. My attention span feels thin today. Reading Poem-a-day, something about a duplex, I’m left uninspired by the language and really wondering when “This” will appear. Some days are like that and I just want to let it be. I’m giving myself a pep-talk as I write this. You can do it.…
2020-12-06 Catharsis

Writing, sharing, and letting go. Yesterday was good and necessary. The Funeral service was good. Strange to see so many people gathered together in close quarters. Strange to see so many people but not recognize them for the masks shielding their faces and emotions. Jim called the funeral home which was in Iowa to ask…
2020-12-05 Stranger than Fiction

It’s 3:30am and I’m headed into what I hope is the last long day of a string of long days that has left me sleepless, and full of Negative emotion. Yesterday was the first day I didn’t go across the river to CB and the plans I tried to make with my brother didn’t pan…
2020-12-04 Waving Whatever Color Flag One Waves to Simultaneously Wage War and Give Up 🏴‍☠️🚩🏳️

Today I woke at 4 am. Like you need to know that. Another delightful 4 hours of sleep and droning through another fucking day in the year 2020. Today I got so angry on the way to school I wanted to rip everyone not wearing a mask a new asshole. What a bunch of domestic…
2020-12-03 Two Fer One Thursday

Yesterday was another long day that moved faster than the normal speed of time. A late morning request led me back across the river to a floral shop in CB followed by a late lunch. Second day in a row inside a restaurant. Not sure how I feel about that. I also picked up my…
2020-12-02 Timeline of Grief

We all operate at different speeds. Something happens, an unexpected death and the ways society operates with such precision, dictating procedure and timing. Some of these are for good reason, necessary steps such as removing physical remains to more appropriate locations. I’ve never before been a witness of someone who has passed into the next…
2020-12-01 4AM Thoughts About Yesterday

Trigger warning: this post is about death. I know it’s only 4:30AM but there’s no way I’m laying in my bed for 3 hours thinking about the implications of my dad’s wife dying. I’ve barely had time to process her diagnosis let alone the lack of prognosis and how she could have progressed from seeing…
2020-11-30 Bow for November

My second full month in my new job is coming to a close. This morning I’m tasked with making breakfasts and lunches for my people and will of course get doing dishes and scooping litter boxes. And I’ll be working on the lit mag some. And hopefully finding time to read and write outside of…