Miss SugarCookie

Hey there!

This stream of consciousness is intended to be an unfiltered account of my journey to fight my way to a healthier, happier life. One day at a time, one step at a time, one organically-grown-emotionally-raw blog post at a time…

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2020-01-17 The Perfect Storm for Dissolving Doubt

It feels like a Saturday because everything is closed. The radar when we woke up today looked like something from the movie “The Day After Tomorrow”. A storm cell covering 1/4th of the country, starting in Minnesota and going all the way down into Texas, covering all of Nebraska moving slowly into Iowa. School was…
2020-01-16 In all Honesty

I’m always complaining that there is never enough time in the day. Not enough to do a thing proper so I trudge through to-do lists doing things that seem necessary but not necessarily to the best they can be done. Someday I am afraid I will look back and say it was all a lie.…
2020-01-16 Too Much Thinking and Not Enough Action

I’ve got to be quick today as I’ve only got about 20 minutes before I have to be out the door. Truth is, after breakfast I laid back down and didn’t really fall back asleep but fell instead into a thought pattern which apparently sped up time. Before I knew it, I’d been laying there…
2020-01-14 A Fast Moving Train

Full speed ahead. 18 days to go and last night before falling asleep I touched my forehead to his forehead in bed and asked for him to help me with my anxiety. He promised me it would be alright and that when it comes to it, he’ll talk me away from the edge. That’s all…
2020-01-10 Frying Pans and Forest Fires

One of my goals at Residency is to blog my experience every single day. I almost made it. 8 out of 10 days made their way into the official record. Then things just started moving way too fast and my priorities and desires went elsewhere (appropriately). At the time I thought to myself that I…
2020-01-04 MFA Day 7 – It Will Find It’s Way Out

(making up for my brevity yesterday apparently so.. long post) Your voice, your words, your emotions, your suppressed or unsuppressed opinions and thoughts. The things pushed deep inside or those loitering silently just below the surface. Whatever it is, it will find it’s way out. Especially in moments when you feel like you can trust…
2020-01-02 MFA Day 6 – Telegraph for Today

Worst sleep ever. Stop Literally. Stop My own fault. Stop Complete sentences. Gone. Stop Too much. Stop Send help. Please. Stop Yesterday was a long day and I would recap but I just don’t have it in me right now. I would provide a sneak peek of today, but it’s kinda the same thing. So…
2020-01-02 MFA Day 5 – Balls

The lead in to of the lectures I attended yesterday lobbied that we should have 10 balls in the air at the all time. That if we did, it would be a bit of chaos but that it would increase our chances that some thing, even just one, would land and turn out golden. She…
2020-01-01 MFA Res Day 4 – Sisters of the Star Blossoms

This is the day I’ve been waiting for All My Life All My Life, Life My All, I give you my all, all my alll And everything I have acquired. All That has been imprinted upon me by this Cruel and magnificent life. My Brilliant insignificance and you, your Unanswerable questions and unknowable elusive answers…
2019-12-31 MFA Res Day 3 – Holding Ones Breath

First of all, I slept like doggy dodo last night and I would say I’ve only got myself to blame (staying up past midnight, not paying attention during the day to things piling up needing to be done, Etc.) but there are other factors outside of my control. Dare I say a longer list not…
2019-12-30 MFA Res Day 2 – On Music and Magic and Math

The song “Straighter Pilot” by Snow Patrol was in my head when I woke up. It’s not one of their more popular songs. It’s kinda quirky and kinda nerdy and truly atypical compared to the rest of their body of work. It’s a good reminder of what you can do with the freedom that comes…
2019-12-29 MFA Res Day 1 – Unpredictable

It’s not quite 6am and I’m on the treadmill. I went to bed at a decent time but my Fitbit is still reporting less than 6 hours with poor quality for sleep. I dunno.. I think that’s unavoidable. Still I feel pretty good and ready to get after this day. Yesterday, which I thought was…